Having four kids is hard.
I don't like being pregnant when I am pregnant. When I'm not pregnant, I think pregnancy is awesome. Why is that?
I no longer enjoy c-sections. The recovery gets longer and longer with each subsequent one.
The doctor said my uterus will likely fail if I were to get pregnant again.
But despite all this, I'm a tiny bit sad that D is the last baby in this house.
He's already so big and mostly sleeping through the night, and I'm sad its going so fast. I love a newborn, I love it when they take big deep breaths and sigh, and snuggle on your chest. Its blissful. I do know I have been blessed to have easier babies, so I do enjoy this stage so much.
I think I go through this phase with every baby, and then at about a year, or a little bit older, I start to get my sanity back and start enjoying NOT having a tiny baby. What's up with that?
I am a crazy person.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
I turned it off.
After having the T.V. on all winter, spring and summer. I finally got the courage and strength to turn off the darn television. For a whole week. (That's the plan anyway). I have let the kids watch waaay to much t.v., I'm talking, on in the morning at probably 7:30 til about 10:30 then on again when I'm cooking supper, and then who knows when else. Yes. Its a lot. And I'm just trying to be honest here, cause I have no secrets, and I want you I have a list of reasons/excuses that I've allowed this atrocity.
-I was sick/pregnant.
-We were remodeling our old house and needed them out of the way.
-We were packing our old house and I needed them out of the way and accounted for.
-I was losing my mind and needed to drink my coffee without someone in my face.
-I was pregnant and put on "restricted activity" because of pre-term contractions, and I was too lazy to lead romper room in the house, and going anywhere caused contractions, so well..., oh well..
-We were unpacking our new house and I needed them out of the way.
-It was too hot to play outside and I couldn't find any quiet "indoor" toys/activities for them to play with.
-It wasn't too hot to play outside, but we found ourselves infested with "Cicada Killer Wasps" in the back yard, and front yard. (google it, they are creepy and scary and when I say six inch wasp, that kills cicada's and then drags them into a whole in the ground, you'll understand).
-I had a baby, and didn't want to take him outside to supervise things when the wasps weren't hovering. (we lost our beloved fenced in back yard where I could shoo everyone out for a while).
-The sun was out.
-It was raining.
-I could only have one cup of coffee.
-I gave up.
-I pretty much gave up. That summarizes it.
I gave up trying to be anything but a incubator and then wet nurse for a while there. Well, I had enough, and I'm trying to get back on my 'a' game. So, today I said no t.v.! B cried and whined, Q was ok with it, and J doesn't give a rip. But the start to the morning was B.A.D. The youngest boy had me up twice last night, which isn't horrible, but when you don't go to bed til midnight, two trips to his room was enough interruption to my sleep to get me so cranky this am. It is mornings like these where I wish I could have my cup of coffee in my bed before anyone talks to me. And this am, B was up in my face asking questions before I had a chance to wake up fully or even get out of bed. I hate answering questions before coffee.
Then at the breakfast table, someone kept asking me if he could play the computer, if not, when, and why not? This was about half way into my first cup of coffee, and I can't stand repeated questions when I'm fully awake, but in my half awake half cup status, I couldn't take it. I blew up and ALMOST caved and almost turn it on , just for a half hour. Please? But I powered through, and prayed for strength to persevere. And since then, I have to say, all is going ok.
So, since 8 this morning, we did the following.
-Played "bikes and scooters" in the rain...in their pj's. (with raincoats on, I'm not that horrible of a mother;)
-Made our own playdough which was a huge hit. The fun lasted about 2 hours.
-Ate lunch.
-Played legos. And they're still at the lego playing at 2:30. I've even helped with a lego plan for building a 4 car garage....
Fingers crossed, I hope this goes well.
-I was sick/pregnant.
-We were remodeling our old house and needed them out of the way.
-We were packing our old house and I needed them out of the way and accounted for.
-I was losing my mind and needed to drink my coffee without someone in my face.
-I was pregnant and put on "restricted activity" because of pre-term contractions, and I was too lazy to lead romper room in the house, and going anywhere caused contractions, so well..., oh well..
-We were unpacking our new house and I needed them out of the way.
-It was too hot to play outside and I couldn't find any quiet "indoor" toys/activities for them to play with.
-It wasn't too hot to play outside, but we found ourselves infested with "Cicada Killer Wasps" in the back yard, and front yard. (google it, they are creepy and scary and when I say six inch wasp, that kills cicada's and then drags them into a whole in the ground, you'll understand).
-I had a baby, and didn't want to take him outside to supervise things when the wasps weren't hovering. (we lost our beloved fenced in back yard where I could shoo everyone out for a while).
-The sun was out.
-It was raining.
-I could only have one cup of coffee.
-I gave up.
-I pretty much gave up. That summarizes it.
I gave up trying to be anything but a incubator and then wet nurse for a while there. Well, I had enough, and I'm trying to get back on my 'a' game. So, today I said no t.v.! B cried and whined, Q was ok with it, and J doesn't give a rip. But the start to the morning was B.A.D. The youngest boy had me up twice last night, which isn't horrible, but when you don't go to bed til midnight, two trips to his room was enough interruption to my sleep to get me so cranky this am. It is mornings like these where I wish I could have my cup of coffee in my bed before anyone talks to me. And this am, B was up in my face asking questions before I had a chance to wake up fully or even get out of bed. I hate answering questions before coffee.
Then at the breakfast table, someone kept asking me if he could play the computer, if not, when, and why not? This was about half way into my first cup of coffee, and I can't stand repeated questions when I'm fully awake, but in my half awake half cup status, I couldn't take it. I blew up and ALMOST caved and almost turn it on , just for a half hour. Please? But I powered through, and prayed for strength to persevere. And since then, I have to say, all is going ok.
So, since 8 this morning, we did the following.
-Played "bikes and scooters" in the rain...in their pj's. (with raincoats on, I'm not that horrible of a mother;)
-Made our own playdough which was a huge hit. The fun lasted about 2 hours.
-Ate lunch.
-Played legos. And they're still at the lego playing at 2:30. I've even helped with a lego plan for building a 4 car garage....
Fingers crossed, I hope this goes well.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Picture Pages
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Ugga Mugga Daniel Tiger
I will give you a prize if you get the reference of my post title.
Hey, I had a baby a month ago! All went well. Daniel was born at 8:14am on July 5 as planned. He was long and skinny, weighing in at 8lb 5oz, and 21 3/4" long. My longest baby, but lightest. He was so scrawny looking, I immediately wanted to feed him donuts and bacon to fatten him up.
He's so precious, and I'm so thankful for this baby. He fits right in with the boys! They all love him, even J, whom I was sure would try to scratch his eyes out the moment he saw Scott holding another baby. (J had some jealousy over the bigger brothers).
At a day old.
At about 4 weeks.
Little man has my nose (complete with what we call the butt crack in it), and looks like it will be brown eyes for him! He also has my furrowed brow. Sorry dude. Everyone will always ask you if you are pissed off...
He is probably the easiest part of my day at this point in life. Feed, change diaper, cuddle, repeat. Easy peasy. There's no discipline involved or worrying if I'm ruining his life by letting him veg in front of the t.v. all day. LOL. This roller coaster has its moments, but I"m loving it.
Hey, I had a baby a month ago! All went well. Daniel was born at 8:14am on July 5 as planned. He was long and skinny, weighing in at 8lb 5oz, and 21 3/4" long. My longest baby, but lightest. He was so scrawny looking, I immediately wanted to feed him donuts and bacon to fatten him up.
He's so precious, and I'm so thankful for this baby. He fits right in with the boys! They all love him, even J, whom I was sure would try to scratch his eyes out the moment he saw Scott holding another baby. (J had some jealousy over the bigger brothers).
Little man has my nose (complete with what we call the butt crack in it), and looks like it will be brown eyes for him! He also has my furrowed brow. Sorry dude. Everyone will always ask you if you are pissed off...
He is probably the easiest part of my day at this point in life. Feed, change diaper, cuddle, repeat. Easy peasy. There's no discipline involved or worrying if I'm ruining his life by letting him veg in front of the t.v. all day. LOL. This roller coaster has its moments, but I"m loving it.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Getting in Line for the Roller Coaster
I don't like roller coasters. I avoid them. In fact, I don't really love amusement parks, there are very few rides I enjoy. I'm thinking this is because I'm a control freak, and don't like the feeling of being out of control, at all. I also do not like sledding, fast boats (unless I'm water skiing behind one), motorcycles and when Scott decides to drive like a crazy person on an humpty dumpty road.
However, every time I've been to an amusement park, some friend of mine convinces me that a certain roller coaster isn't "that bad", and I will love it, and I succumb to the peer pressure and reluctantly get in line. When I first get in line, I'm having a fun time with my friend(s), and and enjoying my self, but as I get closer in line as it snakes around the turn styles and such, the panic and fear begins to overcome me. What on earth was I thinking? I hate roller coasters! Why am I doing this? And, if I bail out now, will I be laughed at? These all pass through my mind as I get closer and closer to my turn on the ride. I have come to the conclusion that my fear of looking like a wimp is greater than my fear of the dreaded roller coaster, because every time this has happened to me, I've gone through with it and gotten on the roller coaster. I wish I had video of my roller coaster response, because its awesome. And would win me a million dollars on America's Funniest Home Videos.
I'm not sure which is worse, the anxiety of the anticipation when getting on the ride, or that dreadful feeling of that clickety clackety ascend up the first hill, or that slow motion drop at the apex of the hill to the first dreadful descend. Ugh, thinking about it, makes me ill. And I can actually recall each and every one of the roller coasters I've been on, its flashing through my head as I type. I hate it.
Well, I'm having that type of feeling right now as I await my c-section on Thursday. I want to get out of line. Its not that I don't want this baby, or look forward to meeting him. But I am so anxiety filled about what the ascend and descend of what this roller coaster of mommy hood will bring me. Will I get to breathe that sigh of relief at the end and feel all proud of myself that I did it-- like it is when I get on a real roller coaster?! (Does that every come with parenthood, I don't think so). I'm scared. So scared. I know I don't have it in me to do it. But I'm in line for the roller coaster, and there's no getting out of line, I just have to get on and strap in and hold on to whoever is next to me, digging my nails into their arm as I make weird noises on the crazy drops and turns and loopy loops.
Some moments, I get overwhelmed in these thoughts of "I cannot do this". And in Kate fashion, I shut down and give up. Then Scott brings me a whopper jr and a smoothie and I'm back in the game for another day. Other times, which are amazing, when I get these terrible anxious feelings, I'm reminded of all that God is. My Helper, my refuge, my father, provider. And I remember all of how He as so recently taken care of me, the house, the move, and lots of other amazing gifts and things I've witnessed God do, and I think this thought. "I certainly cannot do this. I DON"T have it in me, BUT I have God as my strength and my all, and its not going to be easy and/or fun, but I will get through it. And if I trust Him and rely on Him, I'll not only get through it, but I'll actually bear fruit if I remain in HIM."
However, every time I've been to an amusement park, some friend of mine convinces me that a certain roller coaster isn't "that bad", and I will love it, and I succumb to the peer pressure and reluctantly get in line. When I first get in line, I'm having a fun time with my friend(s), and and enjoying my self, but as I get closer in line as it snakes around the turn styles and such, the panic and fear begins to overcome me. What on earth was I thinking? I hate roller coasters! Why am I doing this? And, if I bail out now, will I be laughed at? These all pass through my mind as I get closer and closer to my turn on the ride. I have come to the conclusion that my fear of looking like a wimp is greater than my fear of the dreaded roller coaster, because every time this has happened to me, I've gone through with it and gotten on the roller coaster. I wish I had video of my roller coaster response, because its awesome. And would win me a million dollars on America's Funniest Home Videos.
I'm not sure which is worse, the anxiety of the anticipation when getting on the ride, or that dreadful feeling of that clickety clackety ascend up the first hill, or that slow motion drop at the apex of the hill to the first dreadful descend. Ugh, thinking about it, makes me ill. And I can actually recall each and every one of the roller coasters I've been on, its flashing through my head as I type. I hate it.
Well, I'm having that type of feeling right now as I await my c-section on Thursday. I want to get out of line. Its not that I don't want this baby, or look forward to meeting him. But I am so anxiety filled about what the ascend and descend of what this roller coaster of mommy hood will bring me. Will I get to breathe that sigh of relief at the end and feel all proud of myself that I did it-- like it is when I get on a real roller coaster?! (Does that every come with parenthood, I don't think so). I'm scared. So scared. I know I don't have it in me to do it. But I'm in line for the roller coaster, and there's no getting out of line, I just have to get on and strap in and hold on to whoever is next to me, digging my nails into their arm as I make weird noises on the crazy drops and turns and loopy loops.
Some moments, I get overwhelmed in these thoughts of "I cannot do this". And in Kate fashion, I shut down and give up. Then Scott brings me a whopper jr and a smoothie and I'm back in the game for another day. Other times, which are amazing, when I get these terrible anxious feelings, I'm reminded of all that God is. My Helper, my refuge, my father, provider. And I remember all of how He as so recently taken care of me, the house, the move, and lots of other amazing gifts and things I've witnessed God do, and I think this thought. "I certainly cannot do this. I DON"T have it in me, BUT I have God as my strength and my all, and its not going to be easy and/or fun, but I will get through it. And if I trust Him and rely on Him, I'll not only get through it, but I'll actually bear fruit if I remain in HIM."
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Overwhelmed
What do you do when you get overwhelmed at the sheer thought of the scheduled happenings in the next couple of days to the coming month? Do you start planning and work the plan? That sounds smart and reasonable. Or are you like me, do you start eating sugar, mope around the house, sit on your butt and complain about things? I get overwhelmed, then I shut down. Ugh. I'm shutting down. I still have so much packing to do, the movers come tomorrow, am I packing? nope. blogging. Makes perfect, logical sense. Right? Right.
I need my magic wand to wave and magically appear at our new house all unpacked and organized and ready for baby. But I think I packed the want already, and I can't find it.
Know what else overwhelms me. The fact that the mortgage company is STILL emailing my husband for details on our financial status. The question on Friday was, "how long has your wife been a homemaker?". Yesterday, we got an email saying to expect a call from the credit check company so we can provide a 12 month history of our current mortgage company. What?! We are supposed to settle on Thursday! Thursday! And don't you think you would have checked that out when we originally applied for the mortgage over a month ago? actually, More than six weeks ago? It makes me nervous to say the least that they are still questioning us at this point. (We have been pre-approved, approved and given a mortgage commitment letter, but still, the questions--overwhelming).
Know what else overwhelms me. The fact that our buyers realtor just yesterday emailed to see who performed the radon test and wants to know if it was done my a licensed contractor. Yesterday. We emailed that info to him over six weeks ago, and he's just asking questions now? If they're not going to be happy with what they find, what do you think will happen between now and Thursday. I'm ready to buy a pound of Swedish fish and vegetate, or hibernate, or crawl in a hole somewhere, and not come out of it. Ever.
The end.
I need my magic wand to wave and magically appear at our new house all unpacked and organized and ready for baby. But I think I packed the want already, and I can't find it.
Know what else overwhelms me. The fact that the mortgage company is STILL emailing my husband for details on our financial status. The question on Friday was, "how long has your wife been a homemaker?". Yesterday, we got an email saying to expect a call from the credit check company so we can provide a 12 month history of our current mortgage company. What?! We are supposed to settle on Thursday! Thursday! And don't you think you would have checked that out when we originally applied for the mortgage over a month ago? actually, More than six weeks ago? It makes me nervous to say the least that they are still questioning us at this point. (We have been pre-approved, approved and given a mortgage commitment letter, but still, the questions--overwhelming).
Know what else overwhelms me. The fact that our buyers realtor just yesterday emailed to see who performed the radon test and wants to know if it was done my a licensed contractor. Yesterday. We emailed that info to him over six weeks ago, and he's just asking questions now? If they're not going to be happy with what they find, what do you think will happen between now and Thursday. I'm ready to buy a pound of Swedish fish and vegetate, or hibernate, or crawl in a hole somewhere, and not come out of it. Ever.
The end.
Friday, June 1, 2012
Systematic Desensitization (in which I talk a lot about vomit).
As a former behavior analyst/therapist, I know what systematic desensitization is, and how it works. Its a form of therapy to treat overt fears by gradually and systematically exposing you to your fear until you no longer fear it (or freak out about it).
Well, I think God has been using this method on me and my fear of stomach viruses.
Back Story:
When Q was just a baby, he got the rotovirus which was a terrible horrible experience. Like 10 days of vomiting and diarrhea and he stopped eating maybe 3 days into it. Awful. And the main reason I will never refuse the new rotovirus vaccine. But anyway, since then, anytime anyone mentions that they've had a stomach virus, or so-and-so has had a stomach virus, I go into panic mode. Not leaving the house for unessential things, or not leaving the kids in child care at church. Because church, as much as I love my church, is a breeding ground for germs. I can predict illness by Tuesday if we've been to church on a Sunday. Its predictable, just a given. But I will sit up at night and obsess about hand sanitizer and panic about JD getting sick. (cause I can deal with the big boys getting it). I will count days between 'exposure' and try and predict when it the stomach bug will fall among us. And seriously, will not sleep at night thinking I heard someone puke...its fun.
Or I should say, I used to do all this, until recently.
Back in December, when we found out we were expecting #4, I remember thinking to myself, ohhhh man, what will it be like to have 6 people have a stomach bug in one house. It would take a whole month for it to run its course! Oy. The drama that occurred in my imagination thinking about that. Well, God's systematic desensitization began soon after that. No lie, beginning a week after Christmas our whole family except me, got the world's worst stomach bug. Scott and JD ended up in the E.R. for fluids thanks to dehydration. And since then, I swear to you, someone in our house has gotten a stomach bug at least 2 times a month. Which is ridiculous. Back in January, I thought ok, good, at least we've gotten the dreaded pukes out of the way. Because I recalled, we normally only get one or two stomach things a year. HA! No lie, twice a month, at least. I should have written it down. Its been an epic sick season, which still is going on in MAY! (I had it last weekend). But darn if the repeated exposure of me to vomit hasn't done wonders for my fear/obsession. I no longer freak about it, dread it or obsess about it each time one of my children gets sick. The repetition of illness in my house has made me numb to it, and not a freakazoid, thank God. Really, it was bad. And now I'm better at dealing with it, and lastly, my older kids are almost pros at being sick. The last time Q was sick 2 weeks ago, I was in the hospital being monitored. Scott woke up late and found the bathroom rearranged, (no floor mats), and the linen closet had been 'disturbed'. When he came downstairs, he found Q in the the basement, with towels laid out on the couch and floor, with the bucket by him. He had taken care of himself...(But you know if I were home, he'd have awaken me). And thankfully, all these illness have stretched themselves out so not everyone is sick at the same time. (well, expect for the first bout which sent 2 of them to the E.R.).
So, how's that for making lemonade out of lemons? Yes, repeated exposure to illness has made me less fearful, and neurotic and all around just awesome. ;)
Well, I think God has been using this method on me and my fear of stomach viruses.
Back Story:
When Q was just a baby, he got the rotovirus which was a terrible horrible experience. Like 10 days of vomiting and diarrhea and he stopped eating maybe 3 days into it. Awful. And the main reason I will never refuse the new rotovirus vaccine. But anyway, since then, anytime anyone mentions that they've had a stomach virus, or so-and-so has had a stomach virus, I go into panic mode. Not leaving the house for unessential things, or not leaving the kids in child care at church. Because church, as much as I love my church, is a breeding ground for germs. I can predict illness by Tuesday if we've been to church on a Sunday. Its predictable, just a given. But I will sit up at night and obsess about hand sanitizer and panic about JD getting sick. (cause I can deal with the big boys getting it). I will count days between 'exposure' and try and predict when it the stomach bug will fall among us. And seriously, will not sleep at night thinking I heard someone puke...its fun.
Or I should say, I used to do all this, until recently.
Back in December, when we found out we were expecting #4, I remember thinking to myself, ohhhh man, what will it be like to have 6 people have a stomach bug in one house. It would take a whole month for it to run its course! Oy. The drama that occurred in my imagination thinking about that. Well, God's systematic desensitization began soon after that. No lie, beginning a week after Christmas our whole family except me, got the world's worst stomach bug. Scott and JD ended up in the E.R. for fluids thanks to dehydration. And since then, I swear to you, someone in our house has gotten a stomach bug at least 2 times a month. Which is ridiculous. Back in January, I thought ok, good, at least we've gotten the dreaded pukes out of the way. Because I recalled, we normally only get one or two stomach things a year. HA! No lie, twice a month, at least. I should have written it down. Its been an epic sick season, which still is going on in MAY! (I had it last weekend). But darn if the repeated exposure of me to vomit hasn't done wonders for my fear/obsession. I no longer freak about it, dread it or obsess about it each time one of my children gets sick. The repetition of illness in my house has made me numb to it, and not a freakazoid, thank God. Really, it was bad. And now I'm better at dealing with it, and lastly, my older kids are almost pros at being sick. The last time Q was sick 2 weeks ago, I was in the hospital being monitored. Scott woke up late and found the bathroom rearranged, (no floor mats), and the linen closet had been 'disturbed'. When he came downstairs, he found Q in the the basement, with towels laid out on the couch and floor, with the bucket by him. He had taken care of himself...(But you know if I were home, he'd have awaken me). And thankfully, all these illness have stretched themselves out so not everyone is sick at the same time. (well, expect for the first bout which sent 2 of them to the E.R.).
So, how's that for making lemonade out of lemons? Yes, repeated exposure to illness has made me less fearful, and neurotic and all around just awesome. ;)
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