Love her

I heard Mandisa sing at the Women of Faith Conference in September. Her music is inspired, and awesome, her voice is phenomenal. Really, check this song
Love her. She has so many amazing songs. Aparantly she was an American Idol contestant, but they did not love her cause she kept singing songs about God. Simon said that it was indulgent to do so...
I happen to love her.

Snow Day Pictures

My 3 guys. Q wearing a super Y mask that my sister got for him.

Our Snowman named "Snow Angel"

The smallest boy, getting ready to 'help'.

Snow Day

Gosh, I feel old. I used to love a snow day. I vividly remember being a kid, staring out the window at night watching the snow, and excitedly thinking that tomorrow would be a snow day. My parents would most often let us stay up late in anticipation of no school, and then we'd only be disappointed that school was still on, not even a 2 hour late start. I only remember one or two school cancellations due to snow back then, and I know it snowed more than it does now...or at least until now. Anyway, I loved snow days then. Oma used to make us hot chocolate and hot oatmeal w/ apples for breakfast when it snowed. I specifically remember going sledding down 'dead man's hill' in Penny Pack Park, and being scared out of my mind. I never liked sledding, I don't like that feeling of careening down a hill in a piece of plastic with no ability to steer. I also remember my brother taking our crazy dog, Friendly, and holding on to him and letting him pull him down that hill. I also recall my brother being in a full leg cast skiing down our street. (crazy boys, I hope that's not what my boys will do!)
As a kid, I could play in the snow all day long. My mom or somebody would pack me into a hand-me-down snowsuit and out I'd go for hours. We'd build snow forts w/ the neighbors and snow people.
But not now, I'm old. I don't like being cold. The thought of getting snow in my boots is irritating, but something back then I ignored until I could no longer feel my ankles and feet. I also don't like that now that I'm old, snow brings responsibilities. Like shoveling and packing kids into snow suits and hats and gloves. The thought of it is exhausting. However, yesterday, we had an AWESOME snow day. It was great despite the fact that I'm old and grumpy about snow now.
On Saturday when all the snow began, we hung out at my mom's and made gingerbread houses and Christmas cookies w/ my sister and her family and my mom and dad. We packed it up and drove home, and stopped for videos on the way. Sunday we woke up to cancelled church services. Yahoo. Ordinarily I love going to church, but when its an On week for Scott, I don't love it as much, so I was glad it got cancelled. We fed the boys breakfast and turned on the T.V. while Scott made me a delicious breakfast. We got to hang out uninterrupted upstairs and chat, while the boys watched Mickey Mouse downstairs. Scott got Q all bundled up and took him outside to shovel. They were out there a while before I got myself and B together and joined them, but apparently S was annoyed that it took me so long to come out. He showed this by ringing the doorbell repeatedly to signal me to get my arse out there and help him. Q, while trying to be helpful and clean off the cars, he was undoing the shoveling that Scott was doing. Scott was getting frustrated and tried to get us all to play out back, but the snow was too deep for Q to walk in, let alone b. We got 23" of snow I think, and B is only 32" tall. And every time Q took a step, he fell forward and couldn't get up. I thought it was funny, but Q could only tolerate so much. Then B took off his mittens and dove into the snow, then screamed cause his hands were so cold. So we went back in after only 5 minutes of B and me being out there.
We decided to try sledding later that afternoon, w/ a revised game plan and a pair of long socks on B's hands under his mittens. The socks worked out great cause they go up to his elbows and don't let snow get in that gap between the coat and mitten cuff. I think I'm going to design some glove/mitten liners and market them, it really worked well. Ha! Well, the boys LOVED sledding. And I actually did too. I took B down w/ me on his first ever sledding trip. He laughed the whole way down and at the end said "again!". Q was brave and went by himself, but then had big trouble walking up the hill and carrying the sled. The hill was perfect, it wasn't too steep and it was long (we went to Bible Fellowship, it was great!). Both kids didn't want to go home, but I was sweating from carrying B up the hill and Scott was exhausted from 2 hours of shoveling our walk and getting our cars out. I have some great pictures from the day, but I have misplaced the camera. It was a fun day. We came home and had hot chocolate and Christmas cookies.
So, I think that as much work as snow is for me now, that I still enjoy a snow day. Its nice to not have anywhere to be and to hang out as a family.

*Sigh*

Well, not to be gross, but this household has been riding the barf train for 3 weeks now. Starting with Scott on Thanksgiving, then B w/ his 10 day long bout of it, then Q, who was fine for 5 days, then another 5 days, started the party again this morning. What. The. Heck.? I have no idea what is going on. On top of it, both boys have a cold starting as well.



I'm almost done Christmas shopping. I think the kids are done, I just have to get a couple things for Scott and my mom, our good friend and maybe something for my sister. I had a hard time buying for the kids this year because they really have everything. A lot of the gifts are joint presents they both will use. I got a few gifts just for Q, but only one for B only. I felt so guilty about that (and I know he won't care or even know), so I went out and bought more for B yesterday. I get excited for Christmas morning again. I used to when I was a kid, but once I got old, I really lost that so excited you can't sleep feeling. It has returned though, and now I get so excited to see the kids reactions. I'm extra excited for this year, now that B is a little older and may be into opening presents. Q has finally caught on to the Santa thing. We previously haven't made a big deal about it, and had contemplated not doing Santa at all with the kids.

I was sitting on the fence until I read an article by some somebody w/ psych credentials in a Christian magazine who said something like: We haven't really done the research, but we know way too many well adjusted adults who believed in Santa to think that its a harmful tradition. I thought that was a good take on it, and I too know most of my friends and family who have believed in Santa at one point, and are no the worse for it, and it was FUN!

So we're doing Santa, and I'm having fun with it.



This post is so random. I feel so bleh lately. I've been doing my quiet times mostly daily, but I feel like I'm doing it to get it done, and haven't been able to focus lately. I lost my one bible study book, the one I really liked. The other Roman's study hasn't been that easy for me, and now that study is off for a couple of weeks, I haven't cracked that book open in a while. When I was in the depth of the study a couple weeks ago, I just sat and thought, "well, this is all very interesting, but I'm not into this." (oh man, did I really think that and just type it?) Sitting in bible study that week, we were discussing Romans, and why we really need to memorize most of it. Why? So we can share with other the Gospel. Oddly enough, the Holy Spirit hit me right between the eyes that day. I felt Him speak to me, "Katie, don't take this lightly." I shouldn't take it lightly. I need to study it in depth to know it, to share it. To share it. When's the last time I did that? Really, when I think about it, it was high school. High school.

So, ending my random post with a heavy sigh. You know, that attention seeking sigh you give your husband so he asks you "what's wrong?" but then when he doesn't you stomp away mad. Yep, that's what I'm doing. I'm just tired and feeling bleh. and I have nothing better to do but blog about it...ha!

Mean Girls

I was reading Shay's post about drama queens and it got me thinking. At first I thought, things are so different now, kids are so mean. But the more I think back to my childhood, the more I remember how untrue that is. The girls in MY day were awful mean too (except for me, of course!).
Middle school seemed to be the worst time for me dealing with drama queens and mean girls.
In eighth grade there was a WHK club. Can you guess what WHK stood for? The We Hate Katie club. Yes, oh yes. I seriously remember these 4 girls whom I thought were my good friends (one was my 'best friend') writing WHK on their notebooks and desks and whatever and giggling. I did not catch on until I was over another friends house, whom I normally did not hang out with. She invited me over which I thought was weird, she was the smartest girl in school and didn't have many friends. We were having a catch in her backyard when she told me what the WHK stood for. I was dumbfounded.
Now granted, I now KNOW why these girls claimed to hate me. I was a bossy, self-righteous b. I thought then that I was just being a good girl and knew better than everyone, but I had no idea I was offending people. I also was super sarcastic, and thought I was funny and made other people the brunt of my jokes. And therefore, I was still the victim of a hate group...
In other evidence of mean girl antics- again in middle school, getting off the bus everyday for a couple weeks, some girl would kick or punch me in the back of the head. I did not know this girl, still don't really know her name, but I remember hearing her say, "I'm going to punch that girl." I don't think she knew my name either. I stopped taking the bus.

Another time, I remember a girl threatening to kill herself by flinging herself over our church balcony during an overnight youth group event. She was upset that her boyfriend was breaking up w/ her. I was in 7th grade at the time, I remember the church and my parents having us sit down and talk about it (she didn't make it over the balcony, she leaned over it, and somebody held on to her). I remember too because we were friends at school, a bunch of us having to go to the school counselor too. But seriously, in 7th grade, your boyfriend was the kid you held hands with and talked to on the phone. I have no idea why the drama in the break up, she was not an unstable person, and I don't think ever intended on jumping over the balcony, but whatever.

I'm just guessing that the drama and mean girls have always been an issue. I do feel like it starts earlier now. I have no idea if the same shit goes on with boys. Scott never mentions stuff like that to me, but he's a guy, they don't talk about feelings, and in reality, if it did happen, I don't think he'd remember it. It seems to be a girl thing to totally internalize every comment someone makes about you and harbor it for 22 years. Dude, I'm still sitting her stewing over the WHK club and it makes me want to find those girls and punch them in the face.

All this does make me think, I sure hope that I'll know what to do and how to handle a situation like this w/ my kids in a Godly way.

Observation Notes

The boys have been doing some funny stuff lately, I have to document it before I forget.

Q:
"Betendly": to play pretend. as in "Look mom, I betendly cut B's hair."

When watching T.V., every commercial Q states: "Ooo, can I get that for my birthday?" (he still hasn't grasped that Christmas is days away, and to put them on the Santa list instead...
During a commercial for Oxyclean detergent, he asked me "Look Mom! Do you want that for your birthday?" No, I do not.

After an episode of him vomiting I returned home with Gatorade, popsicles and his favorite crackers. He asked if he could have them, and I told him yes, "when you're sick you should drink Gatorade and eat crackers for a little while." He says: "Awesome!!" He's loving having a stomach bug.

"Mommy, get off my nerves!" I wonder where he got that from? A moment of weakness on my part...but mine was more like, you're so ON my nerves.

B:
Talking more and more everyday,
B mis-says things, only he can get away with.
"I shit": Can be either "I sit." or "I see it."
"I shit down": I sit
He also says "Nope" instead of "No" these days which is soo cute.
His version of 'frog' is pretty funny and bad at the same time.

He likes using the potty to pee in. And now every time I change his diaper, he pees on demand, whether or not there is a potty in sight. And he laughs maniacally when he does it, which makes me laugh every time.

This and That

Why is it that when B gets sick, like upset stomach sick, its a bizarre event. Thursday am, like around 3am, I heard a noise in his room, but couldn't identify it, and he didn't wake up and cry, so I thought nothing of it and went back to sleep. When I got him at 7:30 that morning, he and and the crib was covered in dried up puke. Gross. I thought nothing of it cause B pukes all the time when he has congestion. And because he didn't cry that's what I thought it was. He acted fine, ate breakfast and then 2 hours later, puked 3 times in a half hour. Well, I thought OK, he's got a stomach bug, but he was acting so normal and was begging me to eat. I didn't feed him for a couple hours and gave him sips to drink and he didn't puke again.

So, two days later (he hadn't been sick since Thursday am, now its Sunday???) it happens again, I awake to him calling me like normal, and when I get him, again, puke everywhere and an added bonus of poo. I ended up throwing out the PJ's and hosing him down. I took all the bed linens and scooped them up and put them in the wash. Little did I know, that his favorite book was in there too. So if you ever wondered what it'd look like if you washed a board book. Ugh. Does it get any better?

We have had a great weekend so far. But it seems the Christmas tree fairies were against us this year. Friday we went to our new favorite Christmas tree farm, Jug Hill to search for our tree. We got there in time for there still to be daylight out and walked in circles for a good half hour before deciding on a tree. The problem was, none of the big trees were labeled with their height and price, so we picked a tree "sure, that'll fit" and asked the dude how tall it was. "About 10ft". OK, so we purchase said tree and haul it home. When we get it in the tree stand and stand it up, it was a Clark Griswold moment. No, it did not fit. It was quite funny though. Fortunately we only had to trim off the top a little. So then when we go to put on the lights, I swear to you, only one strand of about 5 that we use to put on the tree worked. And the angel won't light anymore. What the heck happened in our attic this year? How do they all decide to not work at one time? I guess they are 9 years old, but its just weird they all went kaput at once. We tried to go trade them in for LED lights, but they were all sold out. The bonus is that new lights were only about $1.50 per strand.

Decorating the tree was fun. We only broke 2 ornaments, and I did one and Q the other. We had to put B to bed for a nap and do most of it, cause all he wanted to do was climb the latter and play with the power strip the lights were plugged into. The boys got to pick out new ornaments too and Q picked out a Hot Wheels ornament and B a Mickey Mouse one. The bottom of the tree is nothing but unbreakable ornaments and I let the boys decorate the bottom half. I love that there's like 10 ornaments on one branch, and that its soo heavy its sagging to the floor. I love the tree and how it looks. But I noticed over on Kelly'sKorner that those people have neatly coordinated trees that look like they're from a department store. I guess I'm not sophisticated or stylish or whatever they are, cause I don't like them. They also have multiple trees in their house. Crazy. It must be a southern thing. I like a simple (although large) REAL tree with ornaments collected over the years. I'm not a tinsel or garland person either. I'm quite opinionated when it comes to a Christmas tree. Here it is, I happen to love it!

A Thanksgiving Tale of Two Head Wounds

Where to start?
We decided to stay home this Thanksgiving and have a quiet holiday w/ just Scott's parents. Four adults and two children instead of well, lots more than that. I love spending time w/ my family and the chaos that goes with it, but we did it for Easter, B's birthday, family vaca in May, sometime in June again in July for my Dad's birthday party, and a couple of other trips south and north. We just wanted to stay home a relax. Well, we sorta did that.
Wednesday afternoon, I prepped most of the side dishes and Scott prepped the Turkey. Then we went out for dinner at a local BBQ joint so we wouldn't have to cook, it was yummy and a well laid out plan.

Well, as Scott got up at 4 in the morning to but the bird in the brine, he was over come with stomach cramps and vomiting for hours. So, I called and cancelled the in-laws. And we ordered Chinese for dinner. Yes, there's nothing like chicken and broccoli, crab rangoon and egg-drop soup for the sick one as a Thanksgiving dinner. (A side note: we always wanted to get Chinese food for Christmas dinner ala "Christmas Story", but I wasn't happy about it this time." ) Not to mention that I had a fever and cough and miserableness that day too. The IL's agreed to try again on Friday for Thanksgiving, so all was not to waste. Right? Wrong. MIL called later and informed me that the wouldn't come Friday because she was having blood drawn. What? Yes, apparently having blood drawn takes at least 8 hours...whatever. So we called a couple over for dinner that night and had a very relaxed dinner. And let me say this, it was the best turkey we've ever cooked. Did I mention it was almost 20lbs? We got it for free so I got the big one, and we have half a bird in the freezer, and a ton of LO's in the fridge. Well folks, it does not end there. I promise I'll get to the head wound part soon.
We had a lovely Saturday, went and paid thru the NOSE at Northlandz, but the kids loved it and came home and chilled and decorated for Christmas, which Q LOVED. We get a call that our new fridge will be delivered on Sunday between 11 and 3pm. So off to bed we went with visions of 26 cubic feet of french door refrigeration dance in our heads.
Sunday, Scott heads out the door w/ the kids and I wait for the fridge. The guys get there at 11am just as Scott is coming back from church and I leave the house w/ two fridges in it and the guys from Lowes assembling the new one. (I had to go to the second service to work the registration table for Christmas).

When I call to say I'm on the way home, Scott says, just come home, Q tackled B into the wall and it put a hole in the wall. What? So, as I walk in the door, Scott is pushing the new fridge into place and it won't go. Yes, he did measure, however the back of the cabinet wasn't level or something and he had to take off some molding and finagle something or other....
Well, as he was pushing with all his might, his foot slipped on a kids toy and he fell face forwarded into the fridge and successfully dented it and his eyebrow. Blood and expletive flowed freely.
Seriously, I'm waiting now for Q to start with the F bomb, there's no way he could have missed it.
So, Scott has a sweet head laceration which definitely needs stitching, but we decided to butterfly it (my mother assured us it will 'heal nicely'). I don't know why we decided to trust my mom on this one, but Scott did not want to go to the ER. Its not like it wouldn't stop bleeding or anything, its just super deep and yucky, and will probably open and close a thousand times before it heals. Oh well, we'll see.
Brendan's head is OK, the wall is permanently scarred. He has a red mark, but that's it. That kid must hit his head at least 3 times a day and each time I think, "Is this the day I take him to the ER?" Q was the same way. Its just a matter of time before one of them has a concussion.

So that's what happened on my Thanksgiving vacation.
I'm thankful that's all that happened.

Praises

Well, I survived Q's sickness. His fever finally broke on Saturday morning. He still has a nasty, junky cough. Only one day for about an hour did I have my hissy fit from being stuck in a house w/ a sick kid and one very active toddler (who was more sick of being the house than I was). I couldn't even send them outside to play to burn off some energy, cause it was raining all week too. Argh. But I survived. Now I just wait to see who else will come down with the fever/cough, dare I say flu?
So, Praise the Lord that I survived and did or say anything too regrettable to the children in my isolation. And Praises again that Scott was super supportive and brought home dinner on Friday night.

Another big praise is that Scott is now back working full-time. We only had to endure one month of a greatly reduced income, and I'm so thankful for that. His employer has said that he will remain full-time (w/ a 10% pay decrease) until March 2010 when they do reviews again. The pay decrease will most likely seem like nothing since we were bracing for a 40% pay cut. I can deal with a 10% loss.

God is good. I'm so thankful. So, thankful for much more than Scott's job. I'm blessed, so blessed.

Day 4 and I'm not losing it, yet.

I've been stuck in my house with a kid with what I'm guessing is the flu. It is day 4 of our isolation and I haven't lost it yet. I have taken numerous car trips to Sonic to get slushes for Q (and a little something for myself), but otherwise haven't gone out...oh except for a trip to Target to get a humidfier filter and tylenol and special treats for the sick one.
It is always a challenge for me to stay home. I have to get out, more like escape these 4 walls. Sometimes its to escape the two of them constantly ontop of each other and the screaming that goes along with that.
I have gotten lots of stuff at home done, like hands-and-knees scrub the floor. I can't tell you the last time I did that. And let me tell you, I swiffer or use my new Hoover floormate on them-regularly, but man, the floor was NASTY. The water was so black when I was done, and it was just the kitchen area.
We've also discovered a new time consuming task--craft time. Q loves it. We've made a Mickey Mouse puppet, Dumbo flappy thing, and a parrot. As well as several pictures of the family. I also discovered that Q can write fairly well now. He can write his name (which is nothing new), my name, Dad, and Gram. Very legibly too. His 'people' are circles w/ huge circle eyes and legs and arms sticking out of the head. They're cute!
B likes to just take the crayons and markers in and out of the box...and chew on them occasionally, and throw them on the floor. He asks for the scissors over and over, "I cut. I cut!!!", but sorry, no way. I give him the playdoh scissors, but he just throws them at me.
I've also been playing around with blogger templates...I'm such a novice.
Well, lets see how we fair today and if I don't lose my mind! I hope I didn't speak too soon.

Oma

Ermgard Hedwig Langenbach

August 24, 1912-October 11, 2009

Oma is german for Grandmother.
I'm thankful to have had Oma as such an integral part of my life.

What can I say about Oma that you may not know. Oma and I had a special relationship. I had the privilege of growing up with her in the same house and sharing a lot of time with her. From my earliest memories, I remember sneaking through a dark house at midnight when I couldn’t sleep to cozy up next to her in her big lumpy bed.
We spent lots of time together in the garden planting vegetables and picking strawberries from the patch on the side of the house. Hanging laundry, cooking dinner and everyday things like going to her favorite fruit and veggie stand on Frankford Avenue. I remember in the winter, coming down to oatmeal in the morning and a cold hand down your back so you could “feel how cold it was outside”. In the summer we’d go to Styer’s to pick strawberries and make jam, and hang out by the pool. She’d never go in, just dip her toes in.
We did fight sometimes, when she’d make me do my homework or chores when I didn’t want to, or when she was simply upholding the rules. She was also good about bending those rules sometimes, like letting me watch TV when I wasn’t allowed to, but I’m not supposed to tell you that.

Oma had a gift of making someone feel welcomed and special. Anyone of my friends could walk in the door and she’d ask if they were hungry, give them a list of what was in the refrigerator and eventually feed them if they were hungry or not. You couldn’t refuse food from her, she was very persistent. I remember her feeding one friend of mine breakfast every morning before we left for school together.
I loved the special trips we’d take for our birthdays. And I always wanted to sit next to her when we went to shows or concerts, she always had Chicklets gum in her purse.

As I got older I never dreaded spending time with her as some teenagers hate old people. She was always cool to me. I loved spending time with her. She was a good shopper and liked going to the movies. We would go to any and all Robert Redford movies together.

As I was an adult she still found ways to relate with me. I remember after having Quinn, telling her that I was fitting into my “regular clothes” and she was congratulating me and said, “It feels good doesn’t it? Its like a nice milestone.”
Speaking of Quinn, I have never seen her so in love with a baby as she was with Quinn. And he in returned LOVED her from the beginning. He would scream when anybody but me held him, but he would smile for Oma, and he loved to visit her.

It got difficult for me as an adult, to watch her age. She was so with it, and so cool up until the past 2 years. She always had taken a lot of pride in her home and in herself. To watch her lose some of her capabilities was so painful. I was so angry that it seemed God was making her suffer. But God’s word states in Romans:

33Oh, the depth of (A)the
riches both of the (B)wisdom
and knowledge of God! (C)How
unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!
34For (D)WHO
HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR?
35Or (E)WHO
HAS FIRST GIVEN TO HIM THAT IT MIGHT BE PAID BACK TO HIM AGAIN?
36For (F)from
Him and through Him and to Him are all things (G)To
Him be the glory forever. Amen.

I cannot question God’s plan. God owes nothing to me. I may never know why it seems bad things happen to good people but I have hope in God. I also have comfort knowing that because Oma knew Jesus’ love and grace that she is no longer suffering or in pain. And that because she knew Jesus and because of His sacrifice for us on the cross, she is with Him, in glory.
Two scriptures that have brought me great peace thinking about Oma finally resting.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

The best part of knowing that Oma was saved is the picture I have in my mind of her rising to walk to Jesus in heaven, without having to use a walker or wheel chair.

"Trust Me"

Life has gotten a little uncertain lately. Starting about a year ago, Scott's company starting laying people off. Thankfully, God has allowed him to keep his job unchanged until this past Monday. Two weeks ago, his company informed him that they were cutting his hours down to 3 days a week starting Oct. 5. That's at about 60% of his salary, and dare I say, impossible for us to live off of. We can pay bills, but not do anything else (maybe eat 3 days a week, ha!). When we first found this out, I wasn't shocked or surprised. God had prepared us for this for a whole year. A whole year of thinking, this will be the month Scott loses his job, not knowing how to spend money, budget, plan for upcoming months or whatever. We did take a class at church by Dave Ramsey, who puts you on a plan and how to budget, which was such a blessing. With this news, we were able to know exactly what in the budget goes and what stays.
We immediately prayed. We know He will provide and I was not in panic mode.
God has shown himself to me at several times through the last weeks. One was with this verse, the day after the news Scott was going to be cut.

24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other,
or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry
about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will
wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than
clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away
in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more
valuable than they?" MATTHEW 6:24-26

This was from a Daily Bread devotional slated for that particular day. And I already knew the great truths from that scripture, but it was an excellent timely reminder, and a great representation of how awesome God's living word is; Applicable today and forever!

A few days later I was making and receiving phone calls from prospective employers for myself. I didn't know what I was doing, how to answer questions or what I was even looking for in a job. Part-time, part-time temporary or leading to full time. What? I didn't know what to do. I found myself praying, "God, just tell me what I'm supposed to do? Please, make it clear." In that early morning, I heard His voice say to me "Katie, just Trust ME!" Just trust Me. Its awesome. I knew it was His voice speaking to my soul. And its funny. God had said that to me one other time. I was fretting about conceiving our 2nd child. I was so conflicted on the plan that a fertility specialist had mapped out for us. I didn't want to go thru with the crazy plan of a zillion tests and procedures. I didn't want to take the drugs that would help me ovulate. One morning as I woke to take my temperature to chart my basal body temp to get pregnant, I opened my eyes to the sun shining thru my opaque curtains in my bedroom. I was reaching for the thermometer when I heard his voice again say to me "Katie, just trust Me." The next day I got a positive pregnancy test.

God can be trusted. I know this! I also know that His plans aren't for a completely rosy happy ending and that's when I get fearful. But I also take comfort in this:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Trusting You, Lord. In these days of uncertainty, I will trust. I know there is more to come...

Vierjaehrig

Four Years, four years have gone by since I first met my first born. I'd say it went by so fast, in a blink, yes, but that would be an understatement. I'm all of the sudden shocked and sad that next year might be kindergarten and he'll be away from me everyday. I say might, cause he'll just be making the cut off date of Sept. 1st and you know what they say. That boys aren't mature enough, and I really don't want to send him next year if it will be a disadvantage for him. Everyone is telling me how competitive things are in our school district, but I will wait and see what this year unfolds before I decide about that.

Anyway, just a few things about my new four year old.



-He still loves hot wheels, and will spend his "allowance" on them every chance he gets (meaning every trip to target).

-He is VERY particular about clothes now. Will only wear something "cool" and has a strong obsession with "hot pants". Hot pants are basketball shorts. And throws a fit if he has to wear jeans or khaki pants or shorts.

-He still likes to eat the same thing every day.

Breakfast: Yogurt and a bar and something to drink.

Lunch: Crackers and chocolate and cheese.

Dinner: Chicken Nuggets or Mac n Cheese

Now the difference is, I don't make these things everyday, and he's almost flexible about it. He will try new things when required too, but with a fight. But if asked, this is what he'll request.

-He has learned to not tell the truth.

-He still loves sports of all kinds, and can identify at least 5 Phillies players by sight.

-He's still sweet, but sometimes not.

-He stands 41" tall and weighs 37lbs. He's in the 76% for height and 60% in weight.

-He is requesting a baby sister a lot. Only cause "I never had a baby sister before." I say, "Fat chance kid. "

-He can memorize scripture really fast, without me realizing it sometimes. It comes out at times when I need it. I was telling Scott one day I was afraid of something and Q comes out with "The Lord is my helper, I will NOT be afraid." Isaiah something...he learned it in Sunday School one day.

- He's still napping, which is nice, but I've very aware that the day is drawing near that he won't be doing that, and that'll be the day I lose my sanity completely.

-He loves to watch T.V.
-He's afraid of large animals and dogs. He only likes "cute dogs" ones that are smaller than a cat. Ironically, these are the dogs that I dislike the most. Ha!
-He's super cautious still.
-Loves music.
-Wants to be a "trash trucker" when he gets big. (hey, they get paid really well!)
-He loves his own bed. When leaving for a trip to my sisters, he asked if we could take his bed.
-He wants to play the bass when he's older. or the Drums.
-He says the funniest things:
-"I choosed up my mind. "(I made up my mind)
- "I'd like chicken thingers for dinner."
-
(there's more that I will add, but I can't think of many right now)

Overall, I'm as always blessed by God to be given this gift of Q. He keeps me on my toes, and humbles me, but he's a blast, and funny and cute and I'm forever grateful to have him.

Mad. Mad. Mad. Mad!

I never thought I could get mad and stay mad at a cute little blond hair, blue eye, cherub of my own. I am though. And he's only 17 months old, how does one get mad at such a sweet blessing? Sleep deprivation helps anger fester. I was up Monday night several times with Q, and I always have a hard time going back to sleep after that. Then last night, after having an argument with my dearest husband, I finally hit the hay at 1am. somewhere around 2am, Q was up, don't know why. But he gets out of bed and stands in the hallway. I don't know how I hear him, but he just stands there, doesn't knock or call out for me. Sometimes if I don't respond immediately he'll sniff. But he went back to sleep easily. I'm fine with that.
And then the offense occurred/began.
At about 3am, B is crying. I let him cry for at least 20min, it doesn't get any better, so I go investigate. Nothing is wrong, he's just crying. So, in my desire for sleep, I pick him up and rock him some, and attempt to put him back down. He cries for another 30minutes. I go get him again, bring him to bed, cause honestly, I'm so tired, I feel like I could vomit. He's quiet and pretty content in bed with us for a half hour or so, but I can't sleep w/ him there, so I put him back in is crib. More crying, he's a persistent bugger. I leave, I come back, I rub the belly, pat the back, leave, comeback. Finally at 5:30am, Scott's alarm goes off. B is still screaming in his bed. Scott goes to the bathroom and starts the shower. I lose it. Pissed, enraged, that I got an hour sleep, I slam doors, growl at the cutest kid, want to scream in his face to go the f to sleep. Apparently, 3 hours of crying will turn me into an absolute monster. Scott is stunned by my reaction, cause he has no idea of the crying that was going on for hours. And he asks, "why didn't you get me to help you?" Good question. I guess I feel like its my job, and since I hate asking for help in general, I didn't wake him. Whatever. I feel like a child for losing it, feel like I just had a tantrum, and am embarrassed. But still angry. Really angry, cause here's the kicker. After all that screaming, B is his happy little self, not sleepy at all, be-bopping around, poking me in the face as I try to catch some sleep while the t.v. is on. Its like he's rubbing salt in my wound. So stupid, I know. He has no clue.
I'm a little mad at Scott cause he can sleep thru it all. (seriously, for almost 3 hours?). I'm so mad at myself too. Mad at my reaction, mad that I didn't ask for help, mad that I'm mad.
I guess today should be fun. I should decide to be in a good mood, and not grumpy despite the fact that I'm working on a hour's sleep.

A Case of the Mondays

My Mondays aren't normally bad. But today is turning out to be one of those bad Monday, Mondays.
Last night, I decided on a whim to take the boys to Scott's last hockey game of the season. It was at 7:10pm which is 30min. before the bedtime proceedings begin around here. But, I went, partially to support my darling husband, and partially to make the oldest boy stop crying that daddy was leaving him home with me. Well we went , and it was fun, but we didn't get home till after 9pm, and the boys weren't in bed till 9:30. I thought as I put the youngest in bed that "maybe we'll get to sleep in tomorrow since they are up late tonight." No such luck.

B woke up at 7:30am this am. Cranky and smelly. I changed his diaper and proceeded to bring him down stairs to eat. Well, I guess he was overtired and just cranky but he had a fit. Just miserable crying, back arching, throwing things at me, all this B.C. Before coffee. I ended up feeding him a handful of Nilla wafers, and throwing on the T.V., cause he wouldn't agree to anything else. Thoughts of my B.K. (before kids) ways of thinking came to me this morning as the second kid came downstairs and demanded cookies for breakfast too. I remember so self-righteously thinking that I did NOT understand parents who let their kids eat garbage and junk food, and chicken nuggets. I get it now. Not only to I get it, I do it, a lot. Sometimes I just don't care, and sometimes I don't want a fight and am guilt-filled as I think of the nitrates, preservatives and sugar that I'm pumping my children full of.

I made a decision that I was not going to push to get any of my to-do things done today cause I knew it would be fighting the two of them to get them done. Q was cranky and oppositional from the start today too. Which brings me to another B.K. thought going down in flames. I just didn't understand why parents would let their children dictate what they did. After all, they were the grown ups, don't you just tell a kid "lets do this" and go? HA. Not so much. I often roll over, realizing my expectations are just going to push us all over the edge today, and its not worth it. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow and we'll eat cereal for dinner again tonight. I don't do it all the time, but enough to be sorta shocked at how I turned out as a parent.

Anywhoo, parenting aside, I'm personally having a Monday. I'm cranky and moody and agitated. Scott and I recently decided that he would go on a 5 day mission trip to Slovakia. It was a last minute thing, and I'm glad he's doing it. We both felt that it was an obedient response to God's call, but of course now I'm freaking out about it. Scott sent me a couple of letters for support that he supposed to send out, when he's leaving NEXT week. It just made me think that this is all not planned and organized very well, and I'm feeling almost spiteful about that. I don't know what I expect. He wasn't originally planning to go, but several people backed out of the trip and they needed someone with construction management and estimating/planning background to go. All of this comes at an extremely uncertain time for Scott and his job security. Rumors fly daily about when the next lay off will be. Its not the best time to be scheduling time off, but I know the Lord's plans are perfect, and I need to rest in that.

Praying that my Monday turns out better this afternoon. Hopefully naps will rejuvenate all of us.

I didn't die last time.

Well my darling Q is so intelligent, figures things out on his own everyday.
Yesterday and probably everyday, I always tell him NOT to unplug and plug things into the outlet. Like say, the night light and lamp. I tell him he could get VERY hurt or even die. (Yes, I have stellar parenting skills). Well, last night Scott was getting him in bed and Q wanted to switch outlets where the night light is. Scott told him that he would do it, but Q insisted.
"No, I can do it Dad, I didn't die last time."

A Post About Nothing

So, its been a while. We've been busy. My family was in town for weeks, and it was fun.
We went to the park, the Please Touch Museum twice, countless playgrounds and to our swim club twice.
Its been a mild summer, and I have determined that taking two boys to the swim club myself, is not all that fun/enjoyable/worth it. So we haven't been utilizing our free membership much at all.

Let me explain. Q continues to be a cautious boy. He's too afraid of the water, and although he wants to be in the big pool, he MUST hold onto me for dear life. B, is NOT a cautious boy and although he's 2.8 years younger than Q, he's BRAVE more like fearless, and I hold onto HIM for dear life when we're in the water. This baby boy, 16 months old now, loves to plunge his face in the water, and comes up choking, but laughing at the same time. Not good. I think I prefer the problem Q has, fear of the water is a good thing, I think. Taking the two to the pool myself is exhausting and nearly impossible to hold two boys myself in the water, without accidentally dunking one or scratching the other.

We're currently in the birthday month. Starting w/ Scott's on the 29th of July, we have 6 family birthdays and 4 friend birthdays to celebrate ending August 31st with Q's fourth birthday. Its crazy and expensive. My side of the family will start adopting a "birthday buddies" approach to birthdays. It was getting out of hand, with 8 siblings to buy for (4 sibs, 4 in-laws), and 11 cousins, plus grandparents and don't forget the hubs side of the family, the gift giving gets overwhelming. So we're doing birthday buddies from now on (think of it as birthday 'polyannas').

Someone recently got my phone number from someone on facebook and called me. I don't facebook, but that's another story. This person was a friend of mine in high school. She was in a couple of shows with me and a fun person. So when she called me out of the blue, I didn't know what to do. I waited almost 2 weeks to call her back, when I did, it was a funny conversation. She just wanted to reconnect. Which to me is a strange concept. I guess its kinda nice, buts its not like I will see her, or call her frequently. I don't do well with 'out of sight' friendships. Just ask my 4 bridesmaids that weren't my sisters. I don't even do well with my sister when she moves out of the country to a 12 hour time difference. And she's my sister. And yes, I feel bad about that. Anyway, I haven't talked to my 3 non-sister bridesmaids for probably 8 years, and I've only been married for 9. One of them calls me twice a year, bless her soul. Anyway, I guess since I have no desire to reconnect, I wonder why anyone else would. But it was interesting to hear what my long-lost friend was doing these days. The same thing I am, raising kids, loving life.

This summer has been flying by. Every year in June, I dread the summer thinking I'll be bored, I don't know what to do with my kids for the whole summer, no preschool no bible study to attend, no MOPS, what will a person do? Well, every day I find something to do. And now I find my house is a mess, cause we're never home. I tell you what though, usually by this time of the summer, I'm ready for fall to start and look forward to cool crisp weather. Not so much this year. I would like to keep it here for a while.

I think I would like to conclude my post about nothing right about now. I have to pack up for a day at the beach, hoping for good weather and healthy kids tomorrow, so we can actually go.

Mad Skills

We went to a gigantic summer party/fair a couple of weeks ago and both boys had a great time. There was an area of carnival games and one of the games was that one with the cans stacked in a pyramid on a little table.. you know the one where you're supposed to knock it down with a baseball. Well, Q eyed up the game and wanted to play. He's an avid baseball fan, seriously. We went to a Phillies game an he actually watched it (its more than I can do when i go to a game, I'm so distracted). Anywhoo...we wait in line, while grown men try their hand at the game. No body was knocking them down in their 3 tries. Well, up steps Q-Dog to the plate, picks up the ball, and upon "GO!" knocks them ALL down, and off the table...on the first ball!! I was shocked, as was the entire line of people and the woman working the stand. And for his winnings, he got a tattoo. Kinda lame, I thought (they were forgoing prizes so they could donate to a women's shelter), but Q LOVED it, and refused bathing until it came off, which was a week later. I tell you, he's going to be a baseball player someday. He loves the game, as boring as it is, he watches those darn Phillies games w/ Scott and is really into it. Asks who's up to bat, asks about rules and barley blinks when he watches. Its cute.

Recently, B has learned to walk. On family vacation in May he took his first solo steps and its been about a month and a couple weeks of him practicing, but this past weekend he's finally walking more than crawling. He can turn corners and walk on uneven surfaces. He looks a little like Frankenstein, arms out and an uneven gate, but he's got it! At 15months...I'm in trouble now...he's already fallen and scraped his head and knees.

Mother of the Year

So, I won't be nominated for mother of the year this year...my violations include:
1. Penning two children in the oldest child's bedroom w/ a baby gate so I could get a shower. The room is pretty much baby proof, including tethering the furniture to the walls and outlet covers. I thought I'd be safe to get my shower. Nope. Two minutes into my shower they're both laughing hysterically IN the bathroom, throwing open the shower curtain. Somehow the two of them overpowered the gate. It was laying of the floor when I investigated their escape.
(this was on Monday).
2. Today, I tried the same maneuver, except I put the gate in the hallway, giving the oldest explicit instructions NOT to knock down the gate, I was just going to throw a load of laundry in. I return 2 minutes later and smell nail polish. That can't be good. Q is laughing hysterically and saying "Now you're shiny and new!" He had painted the truck wheels on one of his dump trucks, oh and his brother's hands. Nice. B still has remnants of pearly pink polish on his hands. Luckily I got there in time to prevent any more disaster like B licking his hands or the hardwood floor getting painted. (I remember a friend of mine telling me what mischief her little girl got into, and I always thought, WTH? Don't you watch your kid?-Paybacks are a b.)
3. Today again at the mall, trying to escape my self-imposed torture of no T.V., B's little octopus arms reached out and grabbed the chocolate milk Q was drinking and dumped it all over himself, the stroller and the floor. Thankfully he was wearing a chocolate brown shirt.

Thankfully, I'm laughing at it all. The no t.v. thing has been good and bad. Good that I know I don't really need to put the t.v. on for the boys, they do ok without it. But a hard and fast rule of no T.V. isn't great. I learned that my favorite time of day is when Q first gets up for the morning and after his nap. He's absolutely precious and sweet. These are usually times of the day I roll over and put the T.V. on and go back to sleep, or surf the Internet.
Bad in that there are definitely times when I need a break from referring, and the T.V. was/is great at getting at least on of them distracted for a while. I'm sure my sister would say that she has some awesome plan or idea to deal with that. They watch very little, I think maybe once a week they put the thing on for a movie. But I don't now how she does that. And honestly, my sister and I are two very different people, and well, I think she's a little crazy... She has 4 girls and homeschools AND eats organically. Enough said? LOL!

A Week Without T.V.

The television, T.V., the boob tube, the electronic babysitter...whatever you want to call it. We watch all too much of it at my house. I've been thinking of challenging myself to go a week without it for some time now. Well, on Sunday sitting in church (where I get all my great ideas, I like to think they're divinely inspired), I decided that this was the week to start it. With all the rain lately, I've been using it as an excuse to let Q watch unendless shows most days of the week. I noticed too, that if he asked to watch and I said "NO," he would pitch a fit, and I it made me think, now is the time...he's addicted. So am I. Even though its summer, and there's nothing on, Scott and I will spend hours at night, flipping thru the nothing and land on some stupid reality show and numb our minds. (but hey, at least we're doing something together right?). Not to mention its baseball season, and if I hear another announcer say the Phillies blew it another night, and then have Scott whine about the Phillies, I was going to put my foot threw the thing anyway. (Who knew that baseball season is like 150 games long, not including the playoffs--last season was sooo long).
So anyway, I'm 3 days into no T.V.. I somehow convinced Scott that we should do this as well, not just for the oldest boy child. He agreed.
Day ONE:
No biggie. I prepped Q the night before that there would be no T.V. this week. And surprisingly, he only asked me to watch once, and was fine when I said no. This day went smoothly. We played for some of the early morning and then went to the mall to run some errands and look for new Crocs. Had lunch there and came home for naps and then ran out to the store for lunch meat for the week. No major meltdowns, and both boys entertained themselves really well. I didn't even want to put it on. That night I went to bible study, so there was no temptation for me to watch when the kiddies went to bed.
Day Two:
Again, no problem. Q had his first swim lesson. He was scared to death, but he still cooperated I was so proud of him as he sat in the water and shivered while he waited for his turn to be tortured by floating on his back. Ate lunch out again with his friend who we went to lessons with (she wouldn't get in the water). It was very cute that Q kept telling her it wasn't too scary, and that the teacher was really nice.
It seemed like a really long afternoon, but not because of the no t.v. rule. Q only took a short nap, so we had craft time while B slept. We made a Captain Hook bank, which is cute, and Q did a great job following the steps in the craft book. It was nice. The boys spent at least an hour in our wet green sand table, and made a huge mess of themselves and the deck. So we had early baths before dinner. All this was accomplished before 5pm. And it was another hour and a half before Scott got home for dinner. By the time he got home, I was done playing cruise director and needed a break. So I mowed the lawn and loved it. It got me good and sweaty and I could see the results of my work in a nicely mowed lawn at the end. The lawn is not one of my chores, but it was a good break.
Day Three:
The hardest day yet. When Q came in my room this morning at 7:15am, and asked for a show, I was tempted, cause I was tired and wanted to snooze more. But I pushed threw it. However, it was a rough morning. Both boys were so cranky waking up today. B tantrummed first thing out of the crib, over what? I don't know (me thinks he wanted to nurse and I'm done with that feeding,says me--today). Q pitched a fit cause I wouldn't make smoothies, and wanted his milk in a baby cup and whatever else I did ,he didn't want. I sent him back to his room to start over. It helped a little.
I realized today, why I let Q watch so much t.v.. It keeps him and B out of each other's hair. B doesn't show an interest in T.V., so he plays while Q watches. He has free run of the toys. When the t.v. isn't on, Q plays and then the territory fights begin. B is getting quite aggressive in his attempt at keeping the toy he's playing with. Q is very good at snatching anything B is playing with...its a fun combo.
Tonight I haven't been tempted to watch. A friend brought me a good fiction book I'm going to read in a bit, after I shower. I managed to get in a work out and clean the kitchen up after getting the boys in bed. Scott is out playing ice hockey, so he's not having a hard time giving up the T.V. tonight.
I actually think giving up the computer would be harder for me. I must jump on here 15 times a day, checking e-mail and my blogs. Its my connection to the outside world. I have considered giving it up as well. I'll have to think about that.
We'll see what days 4 and 5 have in store for me.

Night and Day

So I have been observing that my two boys are very different. Night and day, really. For instance:
1. Q eats a few things without prodding, B eats anything without prodding (mostly).
2. The things that Q eats readily, B will NOT eat. (yogurt, applesauce and mac n cheese).
3. Q is cautious, B not so much.
4. Q talked early and a LOT. B, not so much.
5. Q had an annoying habit of screaming the moment I left a room, and did not stop till I returned (the poor nursery workers at church and MOPS). B does the scream just to make me feel bad, but as soon as I'm out of sight he stops.
6. B loves daddy. It took Q a while to warm up to him (and now they're inseparable).
7. Q loves books always has. B has NO time to sit in my lap and read. He literally tries to throw them at me. One of Q's first phrases was "the end" at the end of a book.

More about number three. On Sunday, B learned how to stand up by himself without holding onto something. Big props for him. He's 14.5 months and still not really walking. I think this is a major step. Well, today in the bathtub, he figured he could stand in there, and then discovered when he plunked himself down in the water, it made a fun splash. Well, this was too much fun. Big brother joined in and it was mayhem. I tried in vain to stop the dive bombing fun...it was too late, and B face planted his open mouth onto the porcelain tub. He screamed, I freaked. Expecting blood or worse, I scooped him out of the tub. After examining him, I discovered he chipped two teeth, but wasn't hurt otherwise, and then was the boy PISSED that he was NOT in the tub. The second I put him back into the tub, he stopped screaming and resumed the dive bombing. So now he has two shards of teeth and I'm thinking I'm going to wean him rather quickly, cause well, its not comfortable.

Q was never so physical. He never climbed or got into anything much. B on the other hand climbs on everything. He discovered how to climb onto the coffee table and stand up. Lovely. He also learned how to pull something over to aid him in climbing onto something he can't reach. It seems he has no fear of water either. Another thing that announced their differences happened last week.
We went to a kids indoor play ground that had two moon bounces. One had a slide. Q previously, flat out REFUSED to slide down the slide, even if I went with him. B loved the slide. However, Q refused again to try the slide...so finally, knowing he'd like it, and going against all the things I said I would never do, I threw him down it. He LOVED it and then didn't stop doing it. It's taken him 2 years to try it, B, already has it mastered.

I think I'm in serious trouble with my "all boy" #2 boy child. He has a little mischievous glint in his eyes sometimes, and that cannot be good.

Chosen

I've been struggling with my stinky behavior lately. I'm impatient and grumpy and angry and ugly to people that I love, my kids and husband mostly. It makes me sad that I don't follow the greatest commandment to "Love One Another". I get ashamed of my selfishness, ashamed at my lack of control. Why do I do this? How can God possibly love me, how can people stand to be near me? I don't even like myself. I get so bogged down by my complete failure to show God's love to people. I feel inadequate to mother the two beautiful boys I have been so graciously given. I feel that I don't deserve my husband's love and I'm defeated by my own behavior daily. But then today, I was reminded of who exactly I am...to name a few:
I AM:

• a light of the world
• a child of God
• the branches: part of HIS vine
• a friend of God
• a daughter of God
• an heir to His glories
• God's temple
• a NEW creation
• Chosen by God

The last two hit me smack in the face.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "For anyone who is in Christ; they are a new creation, the old is gone, the new has come."

John 15:16 "For you did not chose me, but I chose you to go bear fruit that will last."

These two verses helped me today when I read them in my bible study, Freedom for Mothers by Denise Glenn. She put it this way:

"I want to clarify the difference between who you are and who you are
becoming. They are two radically different things and will affect your
mothering in very basic ways. Who you are is a new
creation, loved by God. Your spirit has come alive and can
contain the life of Jesus. You have no excuse to feel defeated and
inferior and inadequate. You simply aren't! You are a
magnificent
new creation of God. "

"Knowing who you are [chosen and a new creation, etc...] won't change your
circumstances, but it can change how you look at them. It won't change
the
problem, it will change you."

Its hard for me to write how exactly I feel and how moved and freed these verses have made me feel. I feel like, in all my inadequacies, and sins and flaws, God still chose me, from the very beginning to worship Him and do good works for Him. He thinks I'm good enough. And I'm a new creation and that He is recreating me everyday. "The old is gone and the new has come", I can forget about my past mistakes and yesterday's failures. The new is coming, He's working on my heart daily.

I'm Not Complaining

I have developed a really good knack for complaining. Especially on the topic of being a stay-at-home-mom. Sometimes I'm just trying to be funny or commiserating with someone. But I realized lately, that's all I've been doing, and darn it! I really don't have the right to. So today, I will not complain. I will focus on the awesomeness of my life, right now.

I love that I really don't have to get up to an alarm clock everyday and shower and eat in a hurry to get out the door to a client's home by 8am. Most days, I can stay in my p-jamies till I get sick of them. And I get the extreme pleasure of getting up with the birds and hanging out with my youngest while the coffee brews.

I love playing on the floor with my kids and discovering what really makes them laugh. Like B loves it when you throw a blanket over the two of you. He also loves it when you pretend to burp and excuse yourself. Q dies laughing when you hit yourself in the head with a blunt object.

I love watching them both hit developmental milestones. Watching Q perfect his baseball pitch, complete with a wind up, or him finally learning how to correctly use pronouns. Lately, watching B learn how to walk is so funny and amazing all at the same time. Watching their little minds working, figuring out how a toy works on their own, how to obtain a desired cookie off the high shelf...my children are genius, and its like watching t.v. sometimes, they are that amusing and entertaining, but only to me-I know.

Having conversations with Q and deciding who he learned what from is a lot of fun too. I dreadfully can hear myself in him all too much. Like his grumpy, aggravated sigh or growl rather...straight off the apple tree I tell you. Or when he tells me I'm 'hilarious', that's hilarious.

There is also something about little boys in their p-jamies. I could eat them up. LOVE it!

Its also cool that they both adore me. That sounds, I don't know, not humble, but its the truth. Even though daddy is sometimes the favored, they come to me for most things. I don't know if that's really cause I'm technically a food dispensing unit in more ways then one, and they're conditioned to like me...but I'm counting as them adoring me...just let me have it OK. I love it when B takes his little hands and puts them on my checks to turn my face toward his, then leans in and presses his lips to mine. There's no puckering, but I'm calling it a kiss. Or when Q comes over to me and kisses me on the cheek and says "Do you know what? I really love you." I'm not going to mention that this always happens while we're in the bathroom. Its nice, really nice.

Occasionally, I find enjoyment in straightening up the house and cooking a really good dinner. Or baking cookies with Q and making a complete mess.

I love not having a boss, no one watching me from around the corner waiting to tell me how I"m doing something wrong ( I now do this to myself anyway, so there's no need for someone else to do it! ha!).
Its also an added perk that I can occasionally do somethings for me. Like attend my women's Bible study or MOPS. I socialize often with other women, albeit with kids in tow, but its better than nothing.
I have no 'professionalism code' to live by and I don't have to wear clothing that you iron.

I could go on and on...some days, I do miss being someone else, but I'm not complaining about life as I know it, not today.

Mother's Day Firsts

Last Mother's Day was my 4th Mother's Day as a mommy. Every year, I dread mother's day, simply because there's so many people to consider, my mom, Scott's mom, Oma and now myself. (I could really care less about it). And to throw a wrench into the party, is the fun fact that my parents are divorced. So, previously I would have my Mom and Oma AND my Dad over for a meal. I always felt sad for my mom that she had to share this day with her ex. But that's how I needed to do it. Scott and I would have them over for a meal and then high tail it over to his Mom's for some sort of small gathering.

This year was the first year, that Oma wasn't able to come. This was sad in a way. But I guess it worked out, cause that meant my Mom could enjoy time with us without the ex around.



The most memorable thing about this mother's day was that it was the first year Q was in school to prepare for mother's day by "himself". They had a little mother's day tea for us in his classroom. It was so cute, I wanted to cry.



I got to his classroom and was announced by his teacher. "Here's your mom, Q". He jumped up off his spot on the rug and ran over to me and hugged me so hard. He then presented me with my first handmade by Q Mother's Day present. It was a cute little heart shaped pin, that he painted pink and glued buttons to. He was so proud of it. He then showed me where to sit at his table and then jumped in my lap. He then kissed me several times and held my hand. It was so sweet. He is an affectionate kid, but this was a little more than I've been getting from him lately. It truly made me swell up with love for him. If I could some how freeze frame that moment, it was so precious. He then showed me a book he had made for me, which described his love for me, and why he loved me (because I play Candy Land with him). According to the book, he also said he thought I was 4 years old. HA! The other mom's kids said they were 99 and 13 years old...I was the youngest mom in the room (for real), most definitely, but ha ha! I'm 4!! I'll take it. (My child also thinks that when he turns 4, he can drive the car.) It was such a sweet time with my boy. I wonder though, as years go by, if I'll think that these things are lame and dread going? I hope not. I don't want to become cynical about these types of things.

Again, I'm just thankful for my children. And I'll put my first mother's day homemade gift in my jewelry box and keep it forever!

God is Good!

All the time.
All the time, God is GOOD!
I can say this with confidence. I have been thru bad times and have felt His presence and have been thankful for the bad times, cause they ultimately do bring good. I have been thru good, and while its easier to be thankful, sometimes its easy to forget to be thankful, or say thanks or rejoice, because its smooth sailing.
Its easy right now to be thankful. Little B's eyes have been healed and he won't need surgery! Praise God. I know its more miracle than anything else. Two weeks ago, he had a cold and lots of congestion, and his eyes looked the worst they have ever looked. Green stuff oozing from them, red rimmed, puffy eyelids, all of it. I was confident that the surgery rescheduled for today, was absolutely necessary. Well, when that cold finally subsided (it was a loong one), his eyes cleared up too. Completely. No weeping, or running, no green stuff, no yellow stuff or even redness under his eyes. He looks so cute! I cannot even remember the last time he didn't have some eye issues going on. I think this whole blocked tear duct thing started when he was 3 weeks old.
So upon noticing how great his eyes looked for the past week, I called the opthomologist who was doing the surgery, and took him in for a check, she agreed that he looked great and did NOT need surgery! Oh thank you LORD! I was so anxious waiting the hour at the doctor's office while, someone who came in after me, got taken first and seen first (grumbling in my head the whole time at how much I loathe doctors sometimes!). For some reason, I was nervous that she would think I'm a crazy mom, trying anything to not have to put my son under anesthesia. (which is exactly what I was doing--LOL!) Why I care about such things is beyond me. So, when she finally did see him and told me that he looked great and not to do the surgery, I almost did a dance, and could not contain my joy when I did say "Praise God!" and laughed out loud.
Thank you God!! I can't stop saying it today.

update

I wrote the previous post 2 weeks ago and never hit publish.
B has been sleeping thru the night since that night. I'm a little more sane.

Crying it out

I'm listening to B cry it out. Its been 13 minutes. I don't get how he is hanging in there so long. He didn't nap today and he had OT this morning to totally tire him out. LORD please, don't let it be another ear infection. He's been crabby all day. I'm truly ready to scream and cry it out myself. Honestly, I don't like this. I just want to run away somewhere.

Its been 18 minutes now. How long til I cave? Its not even winding down.



I have to confess something while I'm sitting here trying not to hear the crying. I haven't been doing my bible study homework. *Gasp* I know. I've given up on the one entirely. The gifts of the Spirit....too in depth for my liking. I got sidetracked in March when I wasn't at bible study for 3 weeks, and haven't gotten back into it.



Cripes, its been 21 minutes...I can't take it...



Anyway, its not like I don't want to know more about the gifts of the Spirit, it just was taking soo long to get thru them, and I got so behind, I threw my hands up. Yesterday, I finally got back to my mom's bible study stuff, and I totally loved it.



23minutes, crying louder and stronger... ok, 5 more minutes and I'm going back up there.

I'm trying to muster up enough patience or whatever to not freaking scream. I don't feel bad for him, I just feel angry, I know that cannot be good.



The mom's study is so good. Yesterday's homework was about how Christ dying on the cross was to set us free from the sin that keeps us captive. ANd it was about living by the Spirit, and how the Spirit gives us fruit to counteract our flesh. LIke right now, the fruit of the spirit that counteracts my 'fits of rage' and 'outbursts of anger' is patience and love. I can feel the battle going on.



28 minutes. 2 more and i'll go, but in all essence, I just taught him to cry for 30 minutes for me to go get him... akdslfffffffffffff j

as I punch the freeking keyboard....please Holy Spirit, come and save me from my flesh. I can't do this. Help me to show love to my children, and not sheer annoyance that they're not doing what I want them to do!~

Ok, that's totally weird. The crying has stopped at exactly 29minutes, things are quiet. Can it be that he's asleep?
He is!

Better Late than Never

Happy 1st Birthday to my little B. His birthday was on Saturday, and I'm just now getting to post. Just to get down on imaginary paper(mainly for my benefit) what he's up to at 1 year....

• He's a little lightweight. The round of sickness in March has him down to just 19lbs. But that's OK, he's super cute, even though he crawls out of all his pants.
• He has extremely strong opinions about things. Especially food. If he loves it, he gets excited about it and screams and sorta wiggles and 'conducts' for more. If he doesn't like it, it is spit out immediately and then completely cleaned off the high chair tray onto the floor, in one fell swoop or swipe.
• Some other things he strongly dislikes is big brother taking away a toy. Lordy, the screaming that follows the 'snatch and grab'. He also hates it when he's determined to get somewhere and gets interrupted, and goodness if you try and pick him up off the steps he's trying to climb! He's a determined little guy.
• He's a man of few words. For a while there, I thought he'd be an early talker like Q. He says a few words rather inconsistently, like 'fish', and 'ball' and 'dada', and maybe 'bye'.
• He's been busy with motor milestones lately. He finally learned to crawl on hands and knees 2 Saturdays ago, and now pulls on to stand and cruises on everything (this started maybe 3 weeks ago). The OT is quite pleased with the progress, and I thought, great, now he's caught up, but there's a whole list of things he hasn't done that he's supposed to do. One of them is crawl backwards. WTHeck? Why does one need to crawl backward? Anyway. I guess I'm stuck with the OT for a while longer.
• Sleeping is not a favorite thing for him. Luckily, he does great on a 10 minute power nap in car and not too much crankiness as a result. He's still getting up 1 time a night, at least. There are times he sleeps thru the night.
• He's so good at entertaining himself, which is sooo nice. I can't tell you how nice it is.
• He's good at defending himself now. Ask Q how bad a baby bite to the cheek feels. HA!
• Above all things, he is a BLESSING. I'm so thankful for him.

B's Eye Update #2

So, last night with B was bad. I left to go to coffee with a friend at 7:30 and had a nice time chatting it up. On my way home at 9:30, Scott called to tell me it was time to come home. B had been screaming for a while and he couldn't take it anymore, cause he couldn't put him down or sit down while holding him without him screaming. I knew what it was.

He was up every hour or so screaming all night. I'm so glad I had made the doctor appointment to get an accurate weight. They let me do his well check and checked his ears and sure enough the screaming last night was due to an ear infection. The pediatrician told me to cancel the surgery, and I did not hesitate one bit. I'm even more agitated that the pre-admin nurse didn't check his ears now. But oh well. I'm going to reschedule the surgery at a different hospital. I feel so relieved.

Now, I'm just praying that little B will be able to tolerate oral antibiotics OK and not get the runny belly from them. He lost A LOT of weight. The doctor today looked at him and the first thing he said was that he looked thin. When I explained the constant sicknesses, mainly the week long stomach virus, he told me he wasn't worried. But I'm still looking to fatten this kid up! He didn't gain any weight from the last visit. So, I'm trying hard not to give him junk just to get calories in him.

B's Eye Thing Update

I did call the eye doctor who is doing his eye probing procedure and told her my story. She reassured me that she does this a lot at the location we're scheduled at, and that they do have a pediatric anesthesiologist. She also suggested that I take him to the pediatrician to get an accurate weight and measurement (although, I think she was just trying to put my mind at ease with this). She then called the place where they did the pre-admission testing to tell them my beef. They later called and apologized, but that's not what I was looking for. I was just looking for competence.

On a side note, something is up with our little guy tonight. He's been up several times already tonight, crying. Its a little unusual. I'm glad we have the appointment tomorrow morning at the ped's to check him out. I'm restless tonight as well. We'll see if anyone sleeps tonight.

Not the Person I Want to Be

So, I've been thinking a lot lately, that I'm not the person I want to be.



I don't want to be the "angry mom", you know the one. The one that talks meanly to her kids, in public, or at home. (and now I have a lovely by-product of that, my 3 year old, talking the same way back to me). Nice.



I'm not the friend I want to be. I don't want to be that one that never calls another back, or shys away from inviting people over or not following up on a conversation that needs to be followed up on. I'm terrible at that. Like listening to a friend reveal hurts or problems and then just letting it fall on deaf ears so to speak. I hear them, I just don't know what to do, or don't pick up and follow on it, cause it might be awkward. I'm so bad at calling people back, all people actually, cause I just plain forget.



I'm not the daughter I want to be. I don't want to be the ungrateful daughter. This gets me feeling so bad. I sorta want to be a reliable daughter to both my parents, but at the same time, I try to put distance between us. I don't want to help them, I'm tired of dealing with the head games and guilt of one, and the sheer silliness and thoughtlessness of the other. I just sound like a brat typing that. My husband is more caring and considerate of them both than I am. He told me that I try, in vain, to keep my distance from them, and its just not supposed to be.

I know that biblically speaking, I'm called rather commanded to honor them, and have a responsibility to them even as an adult. I know. I know.



I'm not the woman I want to be. Lately, people have been giving me this 'left handed compliment' that I'm "so refreshingly real and open--there's no guessing what I'm thinking--low maintenance". That to me just reads that I speak my mind too often, and I truly don't think that's good, or I'm that person who just has no filter. I don't like that about myself. I thought I had been doing good at not letting my emotions wear on my sleeve, but apparently, I have not altered that attribute much, if at all.



I'm not the physical woman I want to be either. Its been a year since baby B was born, and ugh, gross. That's all I have to say about that. I won't complain too much, I haven't done a blessed thing about it.

I do want to be what God wants me to be. I do want to remove my fleshly desires and selfishness and dive in to His love and be obedient. I want to rely on Him to fill me with His love so I can be all that He wants me to be. I get in my own way, often. I feel like all those things that I am that I don't want to be, stem from my own selfishness. I yell at my kids cause they're not doing what I want them to. I get annoyed at my parents cause they're interrupting my life (but duh Kate, they are apart of your life). I'm a bad friend cause I'm too worried about how I'm perceived to focus on being real and encouraging.

Ah, God is cleaning house in my heart right now, its a little painful and humbling to do, but I know His way is the best.

No Confidence

So, the month of March hasn't been kind to this family in the area of health. Both boys have had a stomach virus and now a bad cough and runny nose w/ fever. I keep asking myself, what am I supposed to learn in all of this. I think it is to love being at home. But I haven't learned that yet. I'm still stir crazy and yesterday drug out my poor sweet sicky B to pick up Q from school and then went to Chick-fil-a. It was a good thing I did, cause I ran into some bible study ladies. That was a nice surprise. Anywhoo...
B is scheduled for his eye surgery (if you can even call it that, I don't think there's any cutting involved)thing on Wednesday April 1st. I had to take him for some pre-admission testing today. I got there sorta on time, and signed in and 50min. later, got called back for his "testing".
The nurse looks at him and says, "Oh gosh, how are we going to weigh him?"
I shrug and tell her they usually have a baby scale. So she tears a peice of paper of the exam table and tells me to have him sit on the adult scale on the floor. I in turn ask if she wants him naked, with no diaper. (cause isn't how they normally weigh a little one?), she looked confused. She's like "I'm just filling in, the pediatric nurse practitioner will be in in a minute." But still she weighed him and took off 9oz for clothes and a diaper. Whatever.
Whatever, no! Isn't it important that they know how much he weighs for real? My confidence level of this hospital doing this thing, as minor as it is, is dwindling.
Then the real NP walks in. But only after the first one asked me how we're going to measure him. And I say, "well, they usually lay him on the table and mark the paper at his head and heal." "Oh, good idea." she replies.
Peds Nurse says, "I think she picked up the wrong chart..., then she fills me in on some of the details, after she tells me 'ear tubes are really no big deal'. I said, "NO, not ear tubes, eye probing..." Confidence further dwindling.
So, Peds nurse continues with the "testing" which consisted of her listening to his lungs and heart and half heartily pressing on his belly while I was holding him. Then she said, "This room doesn't have an ear light, so I won't check his ears. " ordinarily, I'd be fine with that, but he's been sick with a bad cold, and I sorta wanted to know what was going on in there. But whatever, I let it slide.
The first NP walked in with a tape measure, and measures the marks she made on the paper and declared them to be 28". I said, "No, that cannot be right. I know he was that long in January and I KNOW he's bigger than that." Sure enough she measure again, and it was 29.5". And I'm sure that its not important, but WTH people, do you have any idea what you're doing?
So after the "testing" is over, Peds nurse tells me that he can't eat or drink past midnight, but there's eceptions for babies this young...but still no milk after midnight, and I asked about breast milk knowing it doesn't qualify as milk. She looks at me dumbfounded and refers me to a paper of instructions which I already looked at and doesn't mention breast milk. She told me to ask the nurse who will call me the afternoon before the surgery. Further dwindling confidence that this place has no clue, and it makes me nervous.
I have several friends who used the same place for their babies minor things, like ear tubes. But, that's not making me feel any better. Heck, I had a surgery there and came out fine...
So, I came home and called the doctor who's doing the surgery to ask some questions and am waiting for a call back. I know its probably nothing, but its something I can't ignore.
So we shall see.