Bloom Where You're Planted

As cheesy as this saying is, it makes sense to me today. (It didn't a few weeks ago). I was whining to my bible study girls how anxious and crabby I get when my house is a mess, and I can't seem to get things done because I have little ones. And that I don't get to do all the things I want to...(I know don't you just want to slap me now?). One pointed out that this is just the season of my life to be a mom to little ones and that its OK to let those things go. And another lady added the whole "bloom where your planted" cliche to it. But darn it, it makes sense. I can't change where I am right now, and I don't want to. I love my little guys. I always wanted to have little boys and I got two of the cutest!! So I have to grow and thrive where I am, and not wish for a different circumstances. I can do things now for the Lord, just in a different way. I'm cool with that.

I feel like God is moving so much in my heart lately. Everyday, my eyes are opened to something new. I'm learning so much more about God, more about myself, my marriage, my relationships, its an awesome thing. There's a song on the radio (Klove) right now, I have no idea what the song is or who sings it, but there is a line in it that goes like this...
"I don't know what you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace."
That is exactly how I feel right now.
Sometimes though, with all this new stuff going on, I feel like I'm never going to get it all. In fact, today in the car, I was ranting to Scott about the budget stuff, and I feel so stupid, cause I can't remember how to do percentages (totally dumb, I know), or I can't do that....
Then Q chimes in "MOM! It says, I can do ALL things!" I shut my mouth so quickly.
(We have been working on him memorizing Phillipians 4:13). I was so amazed that God had used my 3 year old to speak to me in that moment. I have to remember not to forget the second part of that verse..."through Christ who strengthens me." Cause nope, I can't do anything by myself...just like John 15 says, "apart from me you can do NOthing!"

Dude, I have a follower...

Love you Shay!!

Speaking of Shay, she nominated me for some sort of Lemonade award, and if I were cool and knew about these things or how to do anything cool on my blog, I'd somehow post it, but for now, I'll try to link her blog in my post...

Shay

I think that worked...and now for the picture of the award...

I think that worked too. and now for the award's description...

(So maybe I know a little more computer stuff than I thought).

The concept of the Lemonade Award is quite simple. It is all about finding people that display a great attitude and/or gratitude. In this day and time, that is very important to have. Once nominated, all you need to do is add the Lemonade Award logo to your blog and find 10 more bloggers to nominate. All of the rules are listed below."

Sadly, I do not have 10 people in my bloggy world to nominate, only cause I only know maybe 2, and Shay already beat me to it...but if I could, I'd nominate her too--again.

Thanks, I'm honored for receiving this award!!

Its coming to get me.

I think the sickness is after me. Q has had a 102 fever for 4 days now, he had the most constant cough yesterday. I felt bad for him, I swear he couldn't go 30seconds without coughing. He did manage to get in a good nap yesterday. And then finally, we packed up in the car to get a smoothie from Sonic. I finally caved and gave him some Delsym cough syrup (and was surprised that the stuff actually works!). The doctors office refuses to recommend any sort of cold medicine, so I try not to medicate with anything besides Motrin or Tylenol. But he was so pathetic, I had to try something. He's not eating great, but that's typical for him when he gets sick.
B has got yucky eyes again, and I'm praying that he's the one that started this sickness business, and isn't getting the thing that Q has(cause Q's is definitely worse than B's cold started out).
Now this morning, after anticipating being up all night (and NO one woke up-YAY!), I feel all tingly, like my body is fighting something. And my throat is sore. NO! NO! NO! I don't want to be sick. Doesn't my body know that I'm the mom. I can't get sick. How do you watch a baby when you're sick and horizontal on the couch? Thankfully, the three year old can be watched by the electronic baby sitter, pretty effectively. And I can't call my mom to come help cause she had the nerve to go to Hawaii for 3 weeks!
Anywhoo...the weather is crappy. And I just called the ped's office, just to be the good mom and make sure I'm covering all the bases and they want me to bring Q in. UGH. At least we'll be getting out of the house.
In other news. I got to go to a Chris Tomlin concert on Friday night. It was great. I was very nervous about leaving my mom with 2 kids(not like she didn't have 4 kids of her own and couldn't handle it). And this was the first time she would put B to bed (cause he doesn't take a bottle, we've never tried this before). But everything went fine. We took the train up to Newark with another couple friends of ours and had really great seats at the concert. I didn't know I knew so many Chris Tomlin songs, but it turns out, our church praise band covers a lot of his music. Which brings me to another story.
Scott plays bass and guitar for our church praise band, and I'm glad he gets a chance to play. I think he likes it. Up until now, I've always gotten a little pissy to say the least, when the music director/pastor would call him up to sub for someone. For goodness sake, the music will not be effective if there is no bass on week. And certainly, the worship experience won't be effected, right? Well, I was wrong. There were a couple of times at the Chris Tomlin concert where the music overcame me, and I could feel God's presence. Its like the building of the music, and then when the bass comes in that you physically feel it. And without the bass, it'd definitely be missing something. So yes, if the bass weren't there the music would be different. So once again, God showed me something cool when I least expected it. And I learned that I shouldn't squelch Scott's gift by my pissy attitude and thoughts that he should be home with me and the kids on a Sunday morning before church. What does that really matter when you can be a part of the worship experience for someone else, using your gift and rocking out! I guess part of me is a little jealous too that he gets to do this while I wrestle children into clothing and coats and try and make it out the door. One day, I'll get my turn...its just right now, I'm called to be the mommy. And I need to 'bloom where I'm planted'. (more on that tomorrow, I hope.)

Week 2 of Sickness

OK, I'm about ready to check myself into a hospital. No, not because I'm sick, but because everyone around me is STILL sick. B has this awful smokers cough (I told him to try the nicotine patch months ago!) Q has now come down with the same thing, only its accompanied by a 102.9 fever. And Scott continues on with his mysterious symptoms, now joint pain that seems to float around his body. I'm most worried about Scott right now...its just weird, I'm sure he'll be on an episode of Mystery Diagnosis soon (my fav show to watch on a Sunday afternoon and take a nap to). But they've all been to the doctor recently, and seem to be OK. When I was at the doctor with B, I asked her if the worry when they get sick gets any better. Cause I freak, what if its something off the wall, and they don't catch it in time... She told me it doesn't get any better. Great. But then, after spending the weekend in my TB ward, I got a dose of perspective via email.
A friend of mine from my old church emailed me to ask for prayers for my very dear friends who I grew up with, granddaughter. I think she's about 5 now. Her mother took her to the doctor this week because she noticed her one eye was pushed out. As it turns out, she has a tumor behind her eye that they could not remove completely because it was wrapped around her optic nerve. And to make it worse, the tumor was malignant. Oh my gosh, my worst nightmare. The little girl needs chemo and radiation over the next 6 months and maybe more after that. And they need to go to Boston sometime for a new treatment. So, please pray for this family, the little girl's name is Corinne, and her mother is pregnant right now, so I can't imagine how she's feeling.

Answered Prayers

A funny thing happened to me the other day. I was in a great mood, for no reason. I was happy and bubbly and honestly, it was a day just like any other. I forgot to go to MOPS, B was still sick, Q extra curious about everything (because why, Mommy?), the same stuff I deal with every day, that usually leaves me grumpy. And I was absolutely joy filled. I couldn't explain it. Scott even commented on it. "Why are you in such a good mood?" He said to me when he got home that night, later than expected, which usually sends me over the edge. He even said "I'm a little scared. Seriously, whats' going on?"
So, today in bible study, my friend asked me "Have you been joyful, Kate?" Why, yes, I have! I totally forgot that I had made it a prayer request that I be filled with joy and to actually express it somehow. A weird prayer request I know (we were actually submitting a New Years resolution). I had asked for it, cause I am happy, but I guess I don't show it. Goodness, I have it so good. I have a great life, a great Savior! I just get caught up the mundane details of life, and I guess I walk around looking mad all the time. In fact, I was waiting in line for sandwiches to be made at WaWa and a stranger said to me, "Smile, it can't be that bad!" (and I cannot tell you how many times strangers have said this to me--mostly men though-- it can't be a pick up line can it?--??one can hope)
So today, when I was reminded of my request, I was so JOYFUL that it was answered! Kinda neat.

Good Eats

Last night I made a one pot/skillet meal and it was 'to die for'! Really. I love meals like this and it was so simple. My youngest ate it as well, double food score!
Skillet Lasagna.
1. Brown about a pound of beef in a skillet (I sauteed some onions and garlic a little before adding the beef).
2. Add a jar of sauce or homemade pasta sauce (3 cups worth) and a 1/2 cup of water along w/ 3 cups of broken up lasagna noodles ( I let Q break up the noodles and he LOVED this job, however, not so fond of the eating of the noodles later).
3. Simmer for 10 minutes.
4. Top w/ a cup of ricotta cheese (dotted over top of mixture), and 1 cup of shredded mozzarella cheese (I mixed in some parm w/ that too). Simmer an additional 3 minutes or so until cheese is melted.
5. Mangia! (that's Italian for eat, and I think I spelled it right too).


Q is on a new eating plan I have devised. I no longer make mac-n-cheese or chicken nuggets for him for dinner. (I told him the Doctor called and told him he had to try new food and that I couldn't make him these things any longer--except on Sundays, when I let him choose what he wants for supper). I give him an index card with a set number of squares on it (yesterday was 3 square=3bites). He gets stickers for each new thing he eats. So yesterday he tried broccoli and didn't gag, and then two bites of the noodles with the sauce on them and almost gagged, but he got his stickers. For earning all his stickers, he gets to chose dessert. And before you're all like "what? for 3 bites of food?" You have to know Q, and what it took for me to get him to eat mac-n-cheese and chicken, and what it took for me to get to this point of no longer making him a separate dinner. I will gradually extend the 3 bites and then eventually phase out the card. But, its working, he's trying new things, and for now, I'm happy with that.
I was so tired of the battle with food with Q. Cause he stopped eating the stuff he liked to. And then we were constantly prodding him to eat, and that got annoying too. I evaluated myself and why I was making him his separate dinner, and while at first it was just so he would eat (back in the day, he only ate baby food and I had to teach him to eat his standards), now it was just easier to make him his food and know that he'd eat and not have a battle. I was only doing it cause it was easier for me, and not healthy for him.
So, in my mom's bible study, we were talking about why we parent the way we do. Is it for selfish reasons? So that your child will love you? Or so you can fulfill your responsibilities to raise up your child in the way he should go? I felt convicted to change things, so I did. In only the way I know best, by devising a token board! (I used token boards a lot at work). And NO, its not bribery. Its called a behavior contract. Reinforcement is different than bribery. I'll explain another day.

Its Always a Struggle

Oh geez, my kids and the hubs is sick. Nothing major. B has a cold and since he has clogged tear ducts, they get pussy and really inflamed instantly, but this is the worst I've seen them. He hasn't been sleeping great either. Q is going down the same road, and Scott just has a fever with no other symptoms, but he feels crappy. I hate it when my kids are sick, and I think I hate it more when Scott is sick. So Saturday, in the height of all the sicknesses, I found myself in a battle over whether or not to succumb to my fleshly desires and have a tantrum (what about me!! who will pay attention to me and help me! waaaa!), or to suck it up and just accept the fact that this is what being a mom is all about and serve my men with grace and a smile(Christ like).

So, I was on edge all day. All day. It started at 7 in the morning with me about to loose it with Q cause he wouldn't stop asking me for breakfast while I was making it. (oh and it was good breakfast too, pumpkin pancakes, really really yummy). Scott slept in later, and even though I knew he didn't feel good, it annoyed me. My selfishness really stuns me sometimes. I was bitter that he got to sleep late, and by late, I mean 8am. So, I prayed and took a deep breath and just had to let it go, he was sick. I was just fighting myself all day. I was so grumpy. At about 9am I had seriously considered medicating myself with some Xanax, so I could just relax and ride out the day. Brendan wouldn't eat, Q was winy and had a ton of energy and I didn't have Scott to help me like he usually does on the weekends. (Though he did, take Q out ice skating for a little while which helped me finally get the ornaments off the tree--yes, its still up). On top of all this, I had a list of things a mile long to get done this weekend, AND my sister and SIL were in town and wanted to hang out.

I survived the day, but I blew up at Scott for petty reasons and in front of the kids.

By the time the kids were in bed, I made the decision to give up. I went down stairs and threw a hissy fit to Scott and lost my battle and my cool.

Why is this so hard for me? I totally knew what I was supposed to do and how I was supposed to feel, but I just didn't do it.

I know that we need to let Jesus fulfill all our needs and not rely on others to do it, but I just didn't know how that is supposed to happen. The whole day I just kept thinking, 'What about my needs?!". Ugh, again, my selfishness is so ugly and at the very least this weekend, God has showed me how selfish I am. So, my prayers this week will be for patience with my sick family (and that I don't get sick) and that I can push myself aside and be Christ-like and compassionate and selfless.

Q's latest greatest hits

So, Q says a lot of funny things, I thought I'd take the time to record them now, before I forget.
Scott went to say good night to him the other night, and he caught him digging for gold. Scott says, "Hey buddy, what you doing?" Q matter-of-factly replies, "I got major boogies."

On the Fourth of July we were driving home from somewhere when the fireworks display started. Upon seeing the fireworks, Q goes "look, there's splats!" And we will forever call fireworks 'splats' from now on.

We recently went to see a friend of mine who had triplets and took her a meal. When Q saw the babies, he said "look at all the babies!". "Yep" I told him, "Ms. Laura had 3 babies at one time." Q said "Oh." Then I asked him if he wanted to take one home and he said yes and picked out the boy baby to take home. Later in the car he said. "Mommy, I want a baby at home, but not 3 at one time!" Smart kid.

You should hear his version of Joy to the World! It starts with "Joy to the Lord!" the rest of the words are incomprehendable.

An umbrella is a "rainbrella".

He's often asking me to, "Turn on my music so I can rock out".

I made him elbow macaroni for dinner the other night. He says "mm, I love elbow pad noodles!"
(He and Scott are currently in an ice-hockey obsession phase).

I'm sure there's more, he's always making me laugh with these sorts of sayings.

Kids Stuff

So, I have two children that do not enjoy eating. I swore that after all I went thru with getting Q to eat (he had food texture issues as a baby and couldn't eat anything but stage 1 baby food), that things would be different with the next one. That I'd do things differently, start baby food earlier and I'd have a great eater. No such luck. Mr. B refused to eat baby food at all, or take a bottle. And then gagged on EVERYTHING. Finally during thanksgiving dinner, he started eating tiny pieces of table food and I thought "Yay! He's finally got it and I'm home free." No such luck there either. I had earlier set up early intervention to come out and evaluate him, not thinking he'd actually qualify for services, but just to give me recommendations. I know people think I"m over-reacting to this, and to a point, I did too. But man, I was desperate. I was so ready to lose it that my 8mo old would only breast feed and that I was truly starting to regret nursing all together and growing more and more resentful and pissed, and had no hope of weaning or being able to jet off with Scott for a glorious weekend alone, or a date that didn't start at 8pm.
So, I kept the EI appointment and to my surprise, my baby had some other gross motor delays as well as the eating thing, that he qualified for services. Well, the OT finally came out for the first time last week. I'm so glad she did. I almost cancelled her a couple of times, because Mr. B was doing OK, eating some days not eating other days. But he was eating. I had some hope.
In my total desperation, I was calling out to the Lord, previously, I thought this is stupid, what is God going to do for me? seriously, I just wanted to to know what to do, and thought that I was truly on my own on this. Silly me. Shortly following my little crying fit, God answered me with the verse "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says you, Do not Fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13
How cool is that verse. He's here to help me! Awesome. I didn't know what that help would be, I was hoping it would be a clear voice from the heavens instructing me what to do next with my son. But it wasn't.
When the OT finally showed up last Thursday, I got my help. God definitely sent me the right person. I have had some not so great experiences with OT's in my days at work. You know, the wishy-washy type. But the woman that showed up at my door, spoke w/ such great authority on the subject that I couldn't second guess her, and Mr. B LOVED her. In fact, he ate just about everything she gave him (the little bugger). But one of the first things she said to me was, "I know where you are right now. Everyone is telling you to relax and he'll eat when he's hungry. But you've tried everything, and because you're the mom and its your job to get him to eat, its frustrating and all consuming. And don't you just want to slap the people that say stuff like that to you?" uh, yeah! She told me that eating, aside from the first month of life when babies have that rooting and sucking reflex, is a LEARNED behavior. So, I'm glad I went thru w/ the OT, we'll see what happens. In the mean time too, I finally decide that Q will not longer eat mac n cheese and chicken nuggets (I'm not making them anymore), and he's actually tried some new foods (for a reward, but it is something).
Praying for continued success with this. But God is definately there to help, even in the everyday stuff....

Its Over

Yes, Christmas is over. Now back to your regularly scheduled program. I'm glad to be back to my regular routine. Scott was home for the better part of two weeks and it was a nice break for me to have him home.

However, our tree is still up, and the presents have yet to be put away, and neither are any of our decorations. I guess it'll still be Christmas in my house for at least another two weeks, cause we won't be home this weekend, and I can't get the stuff out of the attic (storage boxes, etc.) by myself to start the clean up process (oh shucks!).

I love Christmas and all its hullabaloo. However, this year I was extremely stressed by it all. Shopping with two children was not fun and I avoided it. I did score a coupon for free grocery delivery from Acme, which I totally cashed in on, and it rocked! I wish I could justify spending the extra cash for the delivery fee and the incredibly high prices of Acme all the time. But anyway, I vow to be more organized next year for Christmas so I can spend more time teaching and experiencing the true meaning of Christmas with my kiddos. I felt like I missed so many opportunities to teach Q about Christmas because I was too focused on the whole present buying and cooking/baking aspect (which really shouldn't be, should it...it's all self-imposed stressed, I know).

Oh and the dreaded New Years eve wasn't horrible. We borrowed my mom's new Wii fit and played all night. It was actually a lot of fun. Q loved it a little too much and I'm so glad we decided not to buy one for ourselves as a family gift. He was relentlessly begging to play anytime he wasn't playing it, and I don't need another battle w/ this 3 year old. Plus, I don't think 3 year olds should be regularly playing video games. He already begs me to watch T.V., and play on the Internet (which he calls "checking his email"). These are things I don't love that he does, but they give me something for him to do when I need to make a phone call or dinner in peace.

So now that the holidays are officially over, I have so many high hopes for a new year. I'm not calling them resolutions. Just hopeful that I will finally get what it is to be a stay at home mom, to call it my job and be proud, and to stop being so lazy and get things done. Last year was full of many big things. Mr. B was born, Oma had another stroke and a heart attack and moved into a home, my dad had a major stroke/brain bleed and miraculously recovered, and God moved and changed me in so many ways, some were painful, some joyful. I'm not one to think, "What's next?", cause I get all anxious thinking like that. So I won't. I just know that God is sovereign and in control and I have placed my hope and trust in Him. So let's go 2009!

Life on the Vine

This year I joined a mom's bible study at our church. We're doing a workbook entitled, "Freedom for Mothers" a motherwise study by Denise Glenn. It's AWESOME. Its really hitting home with me. For one thing, I've always wanted to be a wife and mother, but now that I am am those things, I feel like I really stink at it. I don't like feeling like I don't know what I'm doing, and I feel like this 100% of the time these days (and this has done great things for my self esteem). This study has really shed light on what I need to focus on. And that is abiding in Jesus. Like John 15 says, "apart from me you can do NOTHING." So, I'm really trying and praying that I figure out what it means to live on Christ as the vine so that I can 'bear much fruit.' This study keeps showing me that Jesus came to not only help me be a mom, but to do it for me? What?! Yeah, that's what it says, and as I find out more on how to do that, I'll let you know.
There's so much I want to do and change in myself and how I raise my children, I don't know where to start. So I'm praying that God would help me to prioritize change. When I was working, we were taught to pick one behavior that would positively change other behaviors (like a domino effect). So I think that God is showing me that the first thing I need to change is me (and not my children or husband), and my attitudes and just the fact that I need to rely on Him to do things in me....
But more on this...I'm being beckoned from above. No not by God, but by a 3 yr old needing something.