Two

My J turned two a month and a half ago and I need to write down the things I remember about him at this age.  He's a lot like me and B, emotional and not afraid to show it!  But his happy moods are the best and he's so funny.  When I look back to this summer when D was born, so much has hanged in such a little time.  He barely talked when D was born.  In fact, "baby" was like his first word.  He calls D 'baby' all the time.  If you ask him what D's name is, he says "baby" even if you correct him.  Its cute. 
When we first brought D home, J couldn't see him over the edge of the pack-n-play we have in the dining room.  He is now so much taller he can see over and reach over the edge of the pack-n-play to see him and he can touch him.  He's very fond of his baby brother.  Its sweet.  Although he will tell me not to pick up 'baby' when he feels like its his turn with mommy.  He's a chatter box now.  Says all sorts of sentences.  When Karen left in August, he was saying a word here and there, when she saw him over Thanksgiving, he was speaking in sentences.  Crazy.  He calls Q, "nun" or "noo noo", and B "mi mi".  One of my favorite things he says now is "Not Good, Mom."  It often comes out "not dood".  And it cracks me up. 
I'm constantly saying to J, "Guess what?  I love you."  and try sooo hard to get him to say " I love you."  It doesnt' work.  He never says it back.  Last night, he climbs up on the couch next to me and snuggles up to me and says "I love me!"   
He loves to say to me, "Guess what mom?" I say what, and he says "baby go to bed!" and then laughs hysterically.  I have no idea why that's funny, but its his go-to joke. 
He eats a lot during breakfast and lunch, but rarely eats dinner.  And I"ve learned  not to make a big deal of it, and let it go (oh how far I've come, when I used to make Q a separate dinner of mac n cheese so he'd eat!).  If the kid doesn't eat, he doesn't eat.  He loves his big brothers, but B is his punching bag.  B always has scratches all over his face from J.  He is fierce when he's angry.  (and much kudos to B, he doesn't fight back-usually). 
He has taken to carrying a Woody figurine around with him whereever he goes.  Last night, Woody lost his leg.  J was only upset for a second about this, and now carries a leg-less Woody around everywhere.  He used to call him "Buzz" all the time, but now he's "oodie". 
This kid is wicked cute.  My mom calls him a Hummel.  And he does have that German angelic baby look about him.  Fat cheeks, big big blue eyes, he's a darling.  Just don't cross him.
Oh, and for a twist, he is super fond of all daddy's or daddy figures.  He calls all men "Dad".  And prefers Daddy over me any day.  I used to go get him out of his crib and he would tell me to "go away, I want Daddy!"  But he's recently allowed me to get him, but then asks "where's Dad."  I guess somebody has to like dad best...actually I think they all do, but I'm not hurt.  I'm pretty fond of Scott myself. 
I could go on and on, but its enough already...

argh, I had a picture, but blogger won't let me upload from my phone..what's that about?

I'm going to design a t-shirt...

I'm going to design a t-shirt that says:
"Yes, I have four boys." 
"Yes, God HAS blessed me."
"No, I wasn't 'trying for the girl'."
"Yes, I am done, (not that its any of your bees wax)."
and on the back it would say,
"Please know people, that I wouldn't be taking my four boys by myself to BJ's if I absolutely possitively didn't have to.  But because I"m out of diapers, chicken nuggets and peanut butter all at the same time, and my husband is away, I decided to do it, just for fun (and for your judgemental comments and to allow you to have a conversation at dinner about how terrible my parenting skills are) You're welcome!"

;)

I am a Crazy Person

Having four kids is hard. 
I don't like being pregnant when I am pregnant.  When I'm not pregnant, I think pregnancy is awesome.  Why is that?
I no longer enjoy c-sections.  The recovery gets longer and longer with each subsequent one. 
The doctor said my uterus will likely fail if I were to get pregnant again.
But despite all this, I'm a tiny bit sad that D is the last baby in this house. 
He's already so big and mostly sleeping through the night, and I'm sad its going so fast.  I love a newborn, I love it when they take big deep breaths and sigh, and snuggle on your chest.  Its blissful.  I do know I have been blessed to have easier babies, so I do enjoy this stage so much. 
I think I go through this phase with every baby, and then at about a year, or a little bit older, I start to get my sanity back and start enjoying NOT having a tiny baby.  What's up with that? 
I am a crazy person.

I turned it off.

After having the T.V. on all winter, spring and summer.  I finally got the courage and strength to turn off the darn television.  For a whole week.  (That's the plan anyway).  I have let the kids watch waaay to much t.v., I'm talking, on in the morning at probably 7:30 til about 10:30 then on again when I'm cooking supper, and then who knows when else.  Yes.  Its a lot.  And I'm just trying to be honest here, cause I have no secrets, and I want you I have a list of reasons/excuses that I've allowed this atrocity.
-I was sick/pregnant.
-We were remodeling our old house and needed them out of the way.
-We were packing our old house and I needed them out of the way and accounted for.
-I was losing my mind and needed to drink my coffee without someone in my face.
-I was pregnant and put on "restricted activity" because of pre-term contractions, and I was too lazy to lead romper room in the house, and going anywhere caused contractions, so well..., oh well..
-We were unpacking our new house and I needed them out of the way.
-It was too hot to play outside and I couldn't find any quiet "indoor" toys/activities for them to play with.
-It wasn't too hot to play outside, but we found ourselves infested with "Cicada Killer Wasps" in the back yard, and front yard. (google it, they are creepy and scary and when I say six inch wasp, that kills cicada's and then drags them into a whole in the ground, you'll understand).
-I had a baby, and didn't want to take him outside to supervise things when the wasps weren't hovering. (we lost our beloved fenced in back yard where I could shoo everyone out for a while).
-The sun was out.
-It was raining.
-I could only have one cup of coffee.
-I gave up.
-I pretty much gave up.  That summarizes it.
I gave up trying to be anything but a incubator and then wet nurse for a while there.  Well, I had enough, and I'm trying to get back on my 'a' game. So, today I said no t.v.!  B cried and whined, Q was ok with it, and J doesn't give a rip.  But the start to the morning was B.A.D.  The youngest boy had me up twice last night, which isn't horrible, but when you don't go to bed til midnight, two trips to his room was enough interruption to my sleep to get me so cranky this am.  It is mornings like these where I wish I could have my cup of coffee in my bed before anyone talks to me.  And this am, B was up in my face asking questions before I had a chance to wake up fully or even get out of bed.  I hate answering questions before coffee.
Then at the breakfast table, someone kept asking me if he could play the computer, if not, when, and why not?  This was about half way into my first cup of coffee, and I can't stand repeated questions when I'm fully awake, but in my half awake half cup status, I couldn't take it.  I blew up and ALMOST caved and almost turn it on , just for a half hour.  Please?  But I powered through, and prayed for strength to persevere.  And since then, I have to say, all is going ok.
So, since 8 this morning, we did the following.
-Played "bikes and scooters" in the rain...in their pj's.  (with raincoats on, I'm not that horrible of a mother;)
-Made our own playdough which was a huge hit.  The fun lasted about 2 hours.
-Ate lunch.
-Played legos.  And they're still at the lego playing at 2:30.  I've even helped with a lego plan for building a 4 car garage....
Fingers crossed, I hope this goes well.
 

Picture Pages

 The Bookends.  Oldest and Youngest. 

 Where I come from, love being part of a large family....

B.  Cute and silly, just the way I like 'em.

Ugga Mugga Daniel Tiger

I will give you a prize if you get the reference of my post title.

Hey, I had a baby a month ago!  All went well.  Daniel was born at 8:14am on July 5 as planned.  He was long and skinny, weighing in at 8lb 5oz, and 21 3/4" long.  My longest baby, but lightest.  He was so scrawny looking, I immediately wanted to feed him donuts and bacon to fatten him up.
He's so precious, and I'm so thankful for this baby.  He fits right in with the boys!  They all love him, even J, whom I was sure would try to scratch his eyes out the moment he saw Scott holding another baby.  (J had some jealousy over the bigger brothers).

At a day old.

At about 4 weeks.
Little man has my nose (complete with what we call the butt crack in it), and looks like it will be brown eyes for him!  He also has my furrowed brow.  Sorry dude.  Everyone will always ask you if you are pissed off...

He is probably the easiest part of my day at this point in life.  Feed, change diaper, cuddle, repeat.  Easy peasy.  There's no discipline involved or worrying if I'm ruining his life by letting him veg in front of the t.v. all day.  LOL.  This roller coaster has its moments, but I"m loving it.

Getting in Line for the Roller Coaster

I don't like roller coasters.  I avoid them.  In fact, I don't really love amusement parks, there are very few rides I enjoy.  I'm thinking this is because I'm a control freak, and don't like the feeling of being out of control, at all.  I also do not like sledding, fast boats (unless I'm water skiing behind one), motorcycles and when Scott decides to drive like a crazy person on an humpty dumpty road.  
However, every time I've been to an amusement park, some friend of mine convinces me that a certain roller coaster isn't "that bad", and I will love it, and I succumb to the peer pressure and reluctantly get in line.  When I first get in line, I'm having a fun time with my friend(s), and and enjoying my self, but as I get closer in line as it snakes around the turn styles and such, the panic and fear begins to overcome me.  What on earth was I thinking?  I hate roller coasters!  Why am I doing this?  And, if I bail out now, will I be laughed at?  These all pass through my mind as I get closer and closer to my turn on the ride.  I have come to the conclusion that my fear of looking like a wimp is greater than my fear of the dreaded roller coaster, because every time this has happened to me, I've gone through with it and gotten on the roller coaster.  I wish I had video of my roller coaster response, because its awesome.  And would win me a million dollars on America's Funniest Home Videos.  
I'm not sure which is worse, the anxiety of the anticipation when getting on the ride, or that dreadful feeling of that clickety clackety ascend up the first hill, or that slow motion drop at the apex of the hill to the first dreadful descend.  Ugh, thinking about it, makes me ill.  And I can actually recall each and every one of the roller coasters I've been on, its flashing through my head as I type.  I hate it.
Well, I'm having that type of feeling right now as I await my c-section on Thursday.  I want to get out of line. Its not that I don't want this baby, or look forward to meeting him.  But I am so anxiety filled about what the ascend and descend of what this roller coaster of mommy hood will bring me. Will I get to breathe that sigh of relief at the end and feel all proud of myself that I did it-- like it is when I get on a real roller coaster?!  (Does that every come with parenthood, I don't think so).   I'm scared.  So scared.  I know I don't have it in me to do it.  But I'm in line for the roller coaster, and there's no getting out of line, I just have to get on and strap in and hold on to whoever is next to me, digging my nails into their arm as I make weird noises on the crazy drops and turns and loopy loops.
Some moments, I get overwhelmed in these thoughts of "I cannot do this".  And in Kate fashion, I shut down and give up.  Then Scott brings me a whopper jr and a smoothie and I'm back in the game for another day.  Other times, which are amazing, when I get these terrible anxious feelings, I'm reminded of all that God is.  My Helper, my refuge, my father, provider.  And I remember all of how He as so recently taken care of me, the house, the move, and lots of other amazing gifts and things I've witnessed God do, and I think this thought.  "I certainly cannot do this.  I DON"T have it in me, BUT I have God as my strength and my all, and its not going to be easy and/or fun, but I will get through it. And if I trust Him and rely on Him, I'll not only get through it, but I'll actually bear fruit if I remain in HIM."