Picture Pages

 The Bookends.  Oldest and Youngest. 

 Where I come from, love being part of a large family....

B.  Cute and silly, just the way I like 'em.

Ugga Mugga Daniel Tiger

I will give you a prize if you get the reference of my post title.

Hey, I had a baby a month ago!  All went well.  Daniel was born at 8:14am on July 5 as planned.  He was long and skinny, weighing in at 8lb 5oz, and 21 3/4" long.  My longest baby, but lightest.  He was so scrawny looking, I immediately wanted to feed him donuts and bacon to fatten him up.
He's so precious, and I'm so thankful for this baby.  He fits right in with the boys!  They all love him, even J, whom I was sure would try to scratch his eyes out the moment he saw Scott holding another baby.  (J had some jealousy over the bigger brothers).

At a day old.

At about 4 weeks.
Little man has my nose (complete with what we call the butt crack in it), and looks like it will be brown eyes for him!  He also has my furrowed brow.  Sorry dude.  Everyone will always ask you if you are pissed off...

He is probably the easiest part of my day at this point in life.  Feed, change diaper, cuddle, repeat.  Easy peasy.  There's no discipline involved or worrying if I'm ruining his life by letting him veg in front of the t.v. all day.  LOL.  This roller coaster has its moments, but I"m loving it.

Getting in Line for the Roller Coaster

I don't like roller coasters.  I avoid them.  In fact, I don't really love amusement parks, there are very few rides I enjoy.  I'm thinking this is because I'm a control freak, and don't like the feeling of being out of control, at all.  I also do not like sledding, fast boats (unless I'm water skiing behind one), motorcycles and when Scott decides to drive like a crazy person on an humpty dumpty road.  
However, every time I've been to an amusement park, some friend of mine convinces me that a certain roller coaster isn't "that bad", and I will love it, and I succumb to the peer pressure and reluctantly get in line.  When I first get in line, I'm having a fun time with my friend(s), and and enjoying my self, but as I get closer in line as it snakes around the turn styles and such, the panic and fear begins to overcome me.  What on earth was I thinking?  I hate roller coasters!  Why am I doing this?  And, if I bail out now, will I be laughed at?  These all pass through my mind as I get closer and closer to my turn on the ride.  I have come to the conclusion that my fear of looking like a wimp is greater than my fear of the dreaded roller coaster, because every time this has happened to me, I've gone through with it and gotten on the roller coaster.  I wish I had video of my roller coaster response, because its awesome.  And would win me a million dollars on America's Funniest Home Videos.  
I'm not sure which is worse, the anxiety of the anticipation when getting on the ride, or that dreadful feeling of that clickety clackety ascend up the first hill, or that slow motion drop at the apex of the hill to the first dreadful descend.  Ugh, thinking about it, makes me ill.  And I can actually recall each and every one of the roller coasters I've been on, its flashing through my head as I type.  I hate it.
Well, I'm having that type of feeling right now as I await my c-section on Thursday.  I want to get out of line. Its not that I don't want this baby, or look forward to meeting him.  But I am so anxiety filled about what the ascend and descend of what this roller coaster of mommy hood will bring me. Will I get to breathe that sigh of relief at the end and feel all proud of myself that I did it-- like it is when I get on a real roller coaster?!  (Does that every come with parenthood, I don't think so).   I'm scared.  So scared.  I know I don't have it in me to do it.  But I'm in line for the roller coaster, and there's no getting out of line, I just have to get on and strap in and hold on to whoever is next to me, digging my nails into their arm as I make weird noises on the crazy drops and turns and loopy loops.
Some moments, I get overwhelmed in these thoughts of "I cannot do this".  And in Kate fashion, I shut down and give up.  Then Scott brings me a whopper jr and a smoothie and I'm back in the game for another day.  Other times, which are amazing, when I get these terrible anxious feelings, I'm reminded of all that God is.  My Helper, my refuge, my father, provider.  And I remember all of how He as so recently taken care of me, the house, the move, and lots of other amazing gifts and things I've witnessed God do, and I think this thought.  "I certainly cannot do this.  I DON"T have it in me, BUT I have God as my strength and my all, and its not going to be easy and/or fun, but I will get through it. And if I trust Him and rely on Him, I'll not only get through it, but I'll actually bear fruit if I remain in HIM."

Overwhelmed

What do you do when you get overwhelmed at the sheer thought of the scheduled happenings in the next couple of days to the coming month?   Do you start planning and work the plan?  That sounds smart and reasonable.  Or are you like me, do you start eating sugar, mope around the house, sit on your butt and complain about things?  I get overwhelmed, then I shut down.  Ugh.   I'm shutting down.  I still have so much packing to do, the movers come tomorrow, am I packing?  nope.  blogging.  Makes perfect, logical sense.  Right?  Right.
I need my magic wand to wave and magically appear at our new house all unpacked and organized and ready for baby. But I think I packed the want already, and I can't find it.
Know what else overwhelms me.  The fact that the mortgage company is STILL emailing my husband for details on our financial status.  The question on Friday was, "how long has  your wife been a homemaker?".  Yesterday, we got an email saying to expect a call from the credit check company so we can provide a 12 month history of our current mortgage company.  What?! We are supposed to settle on Thursday!  Thursday!  And don't you think you would have checked that out when we originally applied for the mortgage over a month ago?  actually, More than six weeks ago?  It makes me nervous to say the least that they are still questioning us at this point. (We have been pre-approved, approved and given a mortgage commitment letter, but still, the questions--overwhelming).
Know what else overwhelms me.  The fact that our buyers realtor just yesterday emailed to see who performed the radon test and wants to know if it was done my a licensed contractor.  Yesterday.  We emailed that info to him over six weeks ago, and he's just asking questions now?  If they're not going to be happy with what they find, what do you think will happen between now and Thursday. I'm ready to buy a pound of Swedish fish and vegetate, or hibernate, or  crawl in a hole somewhere, and not come out of it. Ever.
The end.

Systematic Desensitization (in which I talk a lot about vomit).

As a former behavior analyst/therapist, I know what systematic desensitization is, and how it works.  Its a form of therapy to treat overt fears by gradually and systematically exposing you to your fear until you no longer fear it (or freak out about it).
Well, I think God has been using this method on me and my fear of stomach viruses.
Back Story:
When Q was just a baby, he got the rotovirus which was a terrible horrible experience.  Like 10 days of vomiting and diarrhea and he stopped eating maybe 3 days into it.  Awful.  And the main reason I will never refuse the new rotovirus vaccine.  But anyway, since then, anytime anyone mentions that they've had a stomach virus, or so-and-so has had a stomach virus, I go into panic mode.  Not leaving the house for unessential things, or not leaving the kids in child care at church.  Because church, as much as I love my church, is a breeding ground for germs.  I can predict illness by Tuesday if we've been to church on a Sunday.  Its predictable, just a given.  But I will sit up at night and obsess about hand sanitizer and panic about JD getting sick.  (cause I can deal with the big boys getting it).  I will count days between 'exposure' and try and predict when it the stomach bug will fall among us.  And seriously, will not sleep at night thinking I heard someone puke...its fun.
Or I should say, I used to do all  this, until recently.

Back in December, when we found out we were expecting #4, I remember thinking to myself, ohhhh man, what will it be like to have 6 people have a stomach bug in one house.  It would take a whole month for it to run its course!  Oy.  The drama that occurred in my imagination thinking about that.  Well, God's systematic desensitization began soon after that.  No lie, beginning a week after Christmas our whole family except me, got the world's worst stomach bug.  Scott and JD ended up in the E.R. for fluids thanks to dehydration.  And since then, I swear to you, someone in our house has gotten a stomach bug at least 2 times a month.  Which is ridiculous.  Back in January, I thought ok, good, at least we've gotten the dreaded pukes out of the way.  Because I recalled, we normally only get one or two stomach things a year.   HA!  No lie, twice a month, at least.  I should have written it down.  Its been an epic sick season, which still is going on in MAY!  (I had it last weekend).  But darn if the repeated exposure of me to vomit hasn't done wonders for my fear/obsession.  I no longer freak about it, dread it or obsess about it each time one of my children gets sick.   The repetition of illness in my house has made me numb to it, and not a freakazoid, thank God.  Really, it was bad.  And now I'm better at dealing with it, and lastly, my older kids are almost pros at being sick.  The last time Q was sick 2 weeks ago, I was in the hospital being monitored.  Scott woke up late and found the bathroom rearranged, (no floor mats), and the linen closet had been 'disturbed'.  When he came downstairs, he found Q in the the basement, with towels laid out on the couch and floor, with the bucket by him.  He had taken care of himself...(But you know if I were home, he'd have awaken me).  And thankfully, all these illness have stretched themselves out so not everyone is sick at the same time.  (well, expect for the first bout which sent 2 of them to the E.R.).

So, how's that for making lemonade out of lemons?  Yes, repeated exposure to illness has made me less fearful, and neurotic and all around just awesome.  ;)

Post Much

I haven't been posting much because blogger doesn't like my web browser anymore and wanted me to try google chrome to get blogger to work.  Well, I hate it when someone tries to pull a fast one on me like that, and resisted.  I was contemplating not blogging anymore, because who has time for meaningless drivel, to write it or read it.  Certainly not me.  But I find it cathartic sometimes, and lets just face it, the stuff that happens to me,--the world must know about! 

Well, I downloaded me the google chrome, and I must say, its slow and I don't like it, but I will use it to blog.  Maybe.  For now, at least.  Also, I have to complain about one more thing about blogger.  I hate commenting on other blogger blogs now, because they make you do TWO words now for verification, and I can barely read the words and it pisses me off.  But everything pisses me off these days.  

But lots has been happening in our house lately!

Lets see where to begin.

Well, we will not be homeless come June 14 when we sell our house.  God found us a home.  And a mighty fine home it is.  I say its God who found it, because it wasn't our realtor!  I like our realtor, somedays.  Most days.  But she was stressing me out big time.  We had a house that we looked at during the first round of house hunting that would somewhat work for us, but Scott did not love it.  I did, but the basement wasn't what he was looking for, and he couldn't finish it, so we never pursued it.  It sat in our minds as our back up plan.  I didn't want the back up plan because I wanted Scott to be happy about our new home.  Anyway, we looked for over a month, and placed bids on 3 homes which were not accepted for various reasons.  Main reasons were though, because the houses were new on the market and over priced and not prepared to deal with us.  One was freaked out by our settlement date that was 60days out.  So before we decided to settle for our back up plan, we decided to hit one last Sunday of open houses.  I was not optimistic because we had seen everything in our price range, but agreed anyway as a last ditch effort.  

We saw our new house simply because I knew where it was and knew it was an empty house (and that they would agree to a quick closing).  When I saw how much it was I didn't think there was a chance we would buy it.  But after a conversation with the listing agent that was there that day, I decided to flat out ask if she thought our best offer would have a chance at buying the house.  She told me "off the record" that she would encourage her client to seriously consider it.   I told Scott that after we left.  But the house didn't leave me with a lasting impression.  I knew it was big, and would meet our needs, but there's nothing fancy about it.  Just lots of space and a finisihable basement. No new kitchen.  Not even central air! (what??).  The next day, Scott told me he couldn't stop thinking about that house, and that we should put in an offer.  I was taken aback about that.  So we did put an offer in.  And like ever other offer we put in, I started to panic about it.  But later I prayed.  Prayed that I knew God had our needs and wants in his vision and that if this were the place he wanted us, that the sellers would accept our bid without a counter offer.  Our offer was considerably under their asking price.  But 2 days later, my realtor called and said "You got the house without any counter offer."  I think my words were "No sh*t.!?" (classy, and Christian like huh?).   

Again, I began to panic about money.  And prayed again that God would somehow put my mind at ease and give me peace that this was indeed a gift from Him.  And God does not fail.  Within minutes of praying that, Scott called me and told me he got a name of a different mortgage broker who would give us another 1/4% off the interest rate of our loan (which was a big difference), and God has shown himself in many more details in this home buying procedure.   I am thankful, and in awe of his generosity. 

So, if all goes well, we will be moving on up and into our new home on June 15.  That is if I don't go into labor (another fun story behind that statement), or go crazy in the process of packing, dealing with my dad (another story), or dealing with stomach viruses (viri?).  

Yes its been a while.  Maybe I'll get caught up.

They Call Him "Crusher."

I have written before that Q is a baseball fan. This year, Tee Ball has become a sort of nemesis for me. Its longer, and he has two games a week, plus practice some weeks, and its much more of a commitment than I like. But he loves it, and fortunately, Scott loves it too and takes him to most practices and games. Because Q's birthday is the cut off for most age brackets, he tends to be the youngest or oldest in his activities. He's the youngest in his first grade class, but he's the oldest on his tee ball team. So being the oldest, I think gives him an advantage on the tee ball field. Now, please understand, I am an extremely competitive person. Watching 5 and 6 year olds play tee ball is somewhat painful for me. Because Q is such a fan, and older, he is VERY focused on the game. When I watch the other players, pick their noses and day dream in the field,
I want to run out there and yell, "baseball ready!!!" and direct/coach them myself. For t
he love of all that is right and good, "PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME!". I am going to be that crazed mom in the bleachers that gets kicked out of the game for arguing with the umpire. I can feel it coming. Or my favorite, when a player is standing on base and the ball gets hit and they sit there, argh, I digress... I haven't been to a game of Q's for a while, because taking all the kids to the game to watch Q play is, lets just say, difficult, I usually stay home with J. So Saturday, wanting to be supportive and wanting to sit on my butt for 2 hours, I asked Scott if he would watch B and J so that I could attend. I settled in my camp chair under a shady tree and watched Q play, and as always, it was entertaining. But one thing that made me smile was, his coach and teammates, call Q, "crusher'. They never refer to him by name, just 'Crusher'. Now, if you have seen Q lately, this nickname would make you laugh. Lets just say, the kid needs to eat more. He's tall and skinny. Falling in step after my dad and brother. But when he got up to bat, I found out why. The kid can hit! Tee ball is now coach pitch and if they don't hit off 5 pitches they move to the tee. Most kids can hit from the coach (who, by-the-way, needs some coaching in pitching), and Q is no exception. But dude, Q can hit! He does crush it! Like, into the outfield. And a weird thing happened to me. I started getting all prideful and started daydreaming about his future as a star baseball player. I promise I will not become that mom that thinks her kid is the best and wants special treatment. I'll try at least, not to be like that.