Oma

Ermgard Hedwig Langenbach

August 24, 1912-October 11, 2009

Oma is german for Grandmother.
I'm thankful to have had Oma as such an integral part of my life.

What can I say about Oma that you may not know. Oma and I had a special relationship. I had the privilege of growing up with her in the same house and sharing a lot of time with her. From my earliest memories, I remember sneaking through a dark house at midnight when I couldn’t sleep to cozy up next to her in her big lumpy bed.
We spent lots of time together in the garden planting vegetables and picking strawberries from the patch on the side of the house. Hanging laundry, cooking dinner and everyday things like going to her favorite fruit and veggie stand on Frankford Avenue. I remember in the winter, coming down to oatmeal in the morning and a cold hand down your back so you could “feel how cold it was outside”. In the summer we’d go to Styer’s to pick strawberries and make jam, and hang out by the pool. She’d never go in, just dip her toes in.
We did fight sometimes, when she’d make me do my homework or chores when I didn’t want to, or when she was simply upholding the rules. She was also good about bending those rules sometimes, like letting me watch TV when I wasn’t allowed to, but I’m not supposed to tell you that.

Oma had a gift of making someone feel welcomed and special. Anyone of my friends could walk in the door and she’d ask if they were hungry, give them a list of what was in the refrigerator and eventually feed them if they were hungry or not. You couldn’t refuse food from her, she was very persistent. I remember her feeding one friend of mine breakfast every morning before we left for school together.
I loved the special trips we’d take for our birthdays. And I always wanted to sit next to her when we went to shows or concerts, she always had Chicklets gum in her purse.

As I got older I never dreaded spending time with her as some teenagers hate old people. She was always cool to me. I loved spending time with her. She was a good shopper and liked going to the movies. We would go to any and all Robert Redford movies together.

As I was an adult she still found ways to relate with me. I remember after having Quinn, telling her that I was fitting into my “regular clothes” and she was congratulating me and said, “It feels good doesn’t it? Its like a nice milestone.”
Speaking of Quinn, I have never seen her so in love with a baby as she was with Quinn. And he in returned LOVED her from the beginning. He would scream when anybody but me held him, but he would smile for Oma, and he loved to visit her.

It got difficult for me as an adult, to watch her age. She was so with it, and so cool up until the past 2 years. She always had taken a lot of pride in her home and in herself. To watch her lose some of her capabilities was so painful. I was so angry that it seemed God was making her suffer. But God’s word states in Romans:

33Oh, the depth of (A)the
riches both of the (B)wisdom
and knowledge of God! (C)How
unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!
34For (D)WHO
HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, OR WHO BECAME HIS COUNSELOR?
35Or (E)WHO
HAS FIRST GIVEN TO HIM THAT IT MIGHT BE PAID BACK TO HIM AGAIN?
36For (F)from
Him and through Him and to Him are all things (G)To
Him be the glory forever. Amen.

I cannot question God’s plan. God owes nothing to me. I may never know why it seems bad things happen to good people but I have hope in God. I also have comfort knowing that because Oma knew Jesus’ love and grace that she is no longer suffering or in pain. And that because she knew Jesus and because of His sacrifice for us on the cross, she is with Him, in glory.
Two scriptures that have brought me great peace thinking about Oma finally resting.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Isaiah 40:31 (New International Version)
"but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

The best part of knowing that Oma was saved is the picture I have in my mind of her rising to walk to Jesus in heaven, without having to use a walker or wheel chair.

"Trust Me"

Life has gotten a little uncertain lately. Starting about a year ago, Scott's company starting laying people off. Thankfully, God has allowed him to keep his job unchanged until this past Monday. Two weeks ago, his company informed him that they were cutting his hours down to 3 days a week starting Oct. 5. That's at about 60% of his salary, and dare I say, impossible for us to live off of. We can pay bills, but not do anything else (maybe eat 3 days a week, ha!). When we first found this out, I wasn't shocked or surprised. God had prepared us for this for a whole year. A whole year of thinking, this will be the month Scott loses his job, not knowing how to spend money, budget, plan for upcoming months or whatever. We did take a class at church by Dave Ramsey, who puts you on a plan and how to budget, which was such a blessing. With this news, we were able to know exactly what in the budget goes and what stays.
We immediately prayed. We know He will provide and I was not in panic mode.
God has shown himself to me at several times through the last weeks. One was with this verse, the day after the news Scott was going to be cut.

24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other,
or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry
about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will
wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than
clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away
in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more
valuable than they?" MATTHEW 6:24-26

This was from a Daily Bread devotional slated for that particular day. And I already knew the great truths from that scripture, but it was an excellent timely reminder, and a great representation of how awesome God's living word is; Applicable today and forever!

A few days later I was making and receiving phone calls from prospective employers for myself. I didn't know what I was doing, how to answer questions or what I was even looking for in a job. Part-time, part-time temporary or leading to full time. What? I didn't know what to do. I found myself praying, "God, just tell me what I'm supposed to do? Please, make it clear." In that early morning, I heard His voice say to me "Katie, just Trust ME!" Just trust Me. Its awesome. I knew it was His voice speaking to my soul. And its funny. God had said that to me one other time. I was fretting about conceiving our 2nd child. I was so conflicted on the plan that a fertility specialist had mapped out for us. I didn't want to go thru with the crazy plan of a zillion tests and procedures. I didn't want to take the drugs that would help me ovulate. One morning as I woke to take my temperature to chart my basal body temp to get pregnant, I opened my eyes to the sun shining thru my opaque curtains in my bedroom. I was reaching for the thermometer when I heard his voice again say to me "Katie, just trust Me." The next day I got a positive pregnancy test.

God can be trusted. I know this! I also know that His plans aren't for a completely rosy happy ending and that's when I get fearful. But I also take comfort in this:

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper
you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Trusting You, Lord. In these days of uncertainty, I will trust. I know there is more to come...

Vierjaehrig

Four Years, four years have gone by since I first met my first born. I'd say it went by so fast, in a blink, yes, but that would be an understatement. I'm all of the sudden shocked and sad that next year might be kindergarten and he'll be away from me everyday. I say might, cause he'll just be making the cut off date of Sept. 1st and you know what they say. That boys aren't mature enough, and I really don't want to send him next year if it will be a disadvantage for him. Everyone is telling me how competitive things are in our school district, but I will wait and see what this year unfolds before I decide about that.

Anyway, just a few things about my new four year old.



-He still loves hot wheels, and will spend his "allowance" on them every chance he gets (meaning every trip to target).

-He is VERY particular about clothes now. Will only wear something "cool" and has a strong obsession with "hot pants". Hot pants are basketball shorts. And throws a fit if he has to wear jeans or khaki pants or shorts.

-He still likes to eat the same thing every day.

Breakfast: Yogurt and a bar and something to drink.

Lunch: Crackers and chocolate and cheese.

Dinner: Chicken Nuggets or Mac n Cheese

Now the difference is, I don't make these things everyday, and he's almost flexible about it. He will try new things when required too, but with a fight. But if asked, this is what he'll request.

-He has learned to not tell the truth.

-He still loves sports of all kinds, and can identify at least 5 Phillies players by sight.

-He's still sweet, but sometimes not.

-He stands 41" tall and weighs 37lbs. He's in the 76% for height and 60% in weight.

-He is requesting a baby sister a lot. Only cause "I never had a baby sister before." I say, "Fat chance kid. "

-He can memorize scripture really fast, without me realizing it sometimes. It comes out at times when I need it. I was telling Scott one day I was afraid of something and Q comes out with "The Lord is my helper, I will NOT be afraid." Isaiah something...he learned it in Sunday School one day.

- He's still napping, which is nice, but I've very aware that the day is drawing near that he won't be doing that, and that'll be the day I lose my sanity completely.

-He loves to watch T.V.
-He's afraid of large animals and dogs. He only likes "cute dogs" ones that are smaller than a cat. Ironically, these are the dogs that I dislike the most. Ha!
-He's super cautious still.
-Loves music.
-Wants to be a "trash trucker" when he gets big. (hey, they get paid really well!)
-He loves his own bed. When leaving for a trip to my sisters, he asked if we could take his bed.
-He wants to play the bass when he's older. or the Drums.
-He says the funniest things:
-"I choosed up my mind. "(I made up my mind)
- "I'd like chicken thingers for dinner."
-
(there's more that I will add, but I can't think of many right now)

Overall, I'm as always blessed by God to be given this gift of Q. He keeps me on my toes, and humbles me, but he's a blast, and funny and cute and I'm forever grateful to have him.

Mad. Mad. Mad. Mad!

I never thought I could get mad and stay mad at a cute little blond hair, blue eye, cherub of my own. I am though. And he's only 17 months old, how does one get mad at such a sweet blessing? Sleep deprivation helps anger fester. I was up Monday night several times with Q, and I always have a hard time going back to sleep after that. Then last night, after having an argument with my dearest husband, I finally hit the hay at 1am. somewhere around 2am, Q was up, don't know why. But he gets out of bed and stands in the hallway. I don't know how I hear him, but he just stands there, doesn't knock or call out for me. Sometimes if I don't respond immediately he'll sniff. But he went back to sleep easily. I'm fine with that.
And then the offense occurred/began.
At about 3am, B is crying. I let him cry for at least 20min, it doesn't get any better, so I go investigate. Nothing is wrong, he's just crying. So, in my desire for sleep, I pick him up and rock him some, and attempt to put him back down. He cries for another 30minutes. I go get him again, bring him to bed, cause honestly, I'm so tired, I feel like I could vomit. He's quiet and pretty content in bed with us for a half hour or so, but I can't sleep w/ him there, so I put him back in is crib. More crying, he's a persistent bugger. I leave, I come back, I rub the belly, pat the back, leave, comeback. Finally at 5:30am, Scott's alarm goes off. B is still screaming in his bed. Scott goes to the bathroom and starts the shower. I lose it. Pissed, enraged, that I got an hour sleep, I slam doors, growl at the cutest kid, want to scream in his face to go the f to sleep. Apparently, 3 hours of crying will turn me into an absolute monster. Scott is stunned by my reaction, cause he has no idea of the crying that was going on for hours. And he asks, "why didn't you get me to help you?" Good question. I guess I feel like its my job, and since I hate asking for help in general, I didn't wake him. Whatever. I feel like a child for losing it, feel like I just had a tantrum, and am embarrassed. But still angry. Really angry, cause here's the kicker. After all that screaming, B is his happy little self, not sleepy at all, be-bopping around, poking me in the face as I try to catch some sleep while the t.v. is on. Its like he's rubbing salt in my wound. So stupid, I know. He has no clue.
I'm a little mad at Scott cause he can sleep thru it all. (seriously, for almost 3 hours?). I'm so mad at myself too. Mad at my reaction, mad that I didn't ask for help, mad that I'm mad.
I guess today should be fun. I should decide to be in a good mood, and not grumpy despite the fact that I'm working on a hour's sleep.

A Case of the Mondays

My Mondays aren't normally bad. But today is turning out to be one of those bad Monday, Mondays.
Last night, I decided on a whim to take the boys to Scott's last hockey game of the season. It was at 7:10pm which is 30min. before the bedtime proceedings begin around here. But, I went, partially to support my darling husband, and partially to make the oldest boy stop crying that daddy was leaving him home with me. Well we went , and it was fun, but we didn't get home till after 9pm, and the boys weren't in bed till 9:30. I thought as I put the youngest in bed that "maybe we'll get to sleep in tomorrow since they are up late tonight." No such luck.

B woke up at 7:30am this am. Cranky and smelly. I changed his diaper and proceeded to bring him down stairs to eat. Well, I guess he was overtired and just cranky but he had a fit. Just miserable crying, back arching, throwing things at me, all this B.C. Before coffee. I ended up feeding him a handful of Nilla wafers, and throwing on the T.V., cause he wouldn't agree to anything else. Thoughts of my B.K. (before kids) ways of thinking came to me this morning as the second kid came downstairs and demanded cookies for breakfast too. I remember so self-righteously thinking that I did NOT understand parents who let their kids eat garbage and junk food, and chicken nuggets. I get it now. Not only to I get it, I do it, a lot. Sometimes I just don't care, and sometimes I don't want a fight and am guilt-filled as I think of the nitrates, preservatives and sugar that I'm pumping my children full of.

I made a decision that I was not going to push to get any of my to-do things done today cause I knew it would be fighting the two of them to get them done. Q was cranky and oppositional from the start today too. Which brings me to another B.K. thought going down in flames. I just didn't understand why parents would let their children dictate what they did. After all, they were the grown ups, don't you just tell a kid "lets do this" and go? HA. Not so much. I often roll over, realizing my expectations are just going to push us all over the edge today, and its not worth it. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow and we'll eat cereal for dinner again tonight. I don't do it all the time, but enough to be sorta shocked at how I turned out as a parent.

Anywhoo, parenting aside, I'm personally having a Monday. I'm cranky and moody and agitated. Scott and I recently decided that he would go on a 5 day mission trip to Slovakia. It was a last minute thing, and I'm glad he's doing it. We both felt that it was an obedient response to God's call, but of course now I'm freaking out about it. Scott sent me a couple of letters for support that he supposed to send out, when he's leaving NEXT week. It just made me think that this is all not planned and organized very well, and I'm feeling almost spiteful about that. I don't know what I expect. He wasn't originally planning to go, but several people backed out of the trip and they needed someone with construction management and estimating/planning background to go. All of this comes at an extremely uncertain time for Scott and his job security. Rumors fly daily about when the next lay off will be. Its not the best time to be scheduling time off, but I know the Lord's plans are perfect, and I need to rest in that.

Praying that my Monday turns out better this afternoon. Hopefully naps will rejuvenate all of us.

I didn't die last time.

Well my darling Q is so intelligent, figures things out on his own everyday.
Yesterday and probably everyday, I always tell him NOT to unplug and plug things into the outlet. Like say, the night light and lamp. I tell him he could get VERY hurt or even die. (Yes, I have stellar parenting skills). Well, last night Scott was getting him in bed and Q wanted to switch outlets where the night light is. Scott told him that he would do it, but Q insisted.
"No, I can do it Dad, I didn't die last time."

A Post About Nothing

So, its been a while. We've been busy. My family was in town for weeks, and it was fun.
We went to the park, the Please Touch Museum twice, countless playgrounds and to our swim club twice.
Its been a mild summer, and I have determined that taking two boys to the swim club myself, is not all that fun/enjoyable/worth it. So we haven't been utilizing our free membership much at all.

Let me explain. Q continues to be a cautious boy. He's too afraid of the water, and although he wants to be in the big pool, he MUST hold onto me for dear life. B, is NOT a cautious boy and although he's 2.8 years younger than Q, he's BRAVE more like fearless, and I hold onto HIM for dear life when we're in the water. This baby boy, 16 months old now, loves to plunge his face in the water, and comes up choking, but laughing at the same time. Not good. I think I prefer the problem Q has, fear of the water is a good thing, I think. Taking the two to the pool myself is exhausting and nearly impossible to hold two boys myself in the water, without accidentally dunking one or scratching the other.

We're currently in the birthday month. Starting w/ Scott's on the 29th of July, we have 6 family birthdays and 4 friend birthdays to celebrate ending August 31st with Q's fourth birthday. Its crazy and expensive. My side of the family will start adopting a "birthday buddies" approach to birthdays. It was getting out of hand, with 8 siblings to buy for (4 sibs, 4 in-laws), and 11 cousins, plus grandparents and don't forget the hubs side of the family, the gift giving gets overwhelming. So we're doing birthday buddies from now on (think of it as birthday 'polyannas').

Someone recently got my phone number from someone on facebook and called me. I don't facebook, but that's another story. This person was a friend of mine in high school. She was in a couple of shows with me and a fun person. So when she called me out of the blue, I didn't know what to do. I waited almost 2 weeks to call her back, when I did, it was a funny conversation. She just wanted to reconnect. Which to me is a strange concept. I guess its kinda nice, buts its not like I will see her, or call her frequently. I don't do well with 'out of sight' friendships. Just ask my 4 bridesmaids that weren't my sisters. I don't even do well with my sister when she moves out of the country to a 12 hour time difference. And she's my sister. And yes, I feel bad about that. Anyway, I haven't talked to my 3 non-sister bridesmaids for probably 8 years, and I've only been married for 9. One of them calls me twice a year, bless her soul. Anyway, I guess since I have no desire to reconnect, I wonder why anyone else would. But it was interesting to hear what my long-lost friend was doing these days. The same thing I am, raising kids, loving life.

This summer has been flying by. Every year in June, I dread the summer thinking I'll be bored, I don't know what to do with my kids for the whole summer, no preschool no bible study to attend, no MOPS, what will a person do? Well, every day I find something to do. And now I find my house is a mess, cause we're never home. I tell you what though, usually by this time of the summer, I'm ready for fall to start and look forward to cool crisp weather. Not so much this year. I would like to keep it here for a while.

I think I would like to conclude my post about nothing right about now. I have to pack up for a day at the beach, hoping for good weather and healthy kids tomorrow, so we can actually go.